- It is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medical research. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The necessity of
animals
’ exitance
is undeniable and they have a direct effect on human beings’ lives. Sadly, Correct your spelling
existence
animals
are utilized in diverse areas such
as medical test
, clothes and foods; Fix the agreement mistake
tests
hence
, they are on the verge of extinction. Therefore
, numerous organizations were established to preserve them. In the following essay, I express my orientation towards the same way with these established organizations.
It is universally accepted that most specious
are Correct your spelling
species
endanger
, Wrong verb form
endangered
due to
excessive humans’ consumerism . Despite the fact that a plethora of substitutions have been offered for animals
, humans’ tendencies towards using them has
slightly decreased. Change the verb form
have
For example
, polyester, cotton and denim, which are herbal textiles, are offered to use in fashion
industry, there are still, Add an article
the fashion
however
, demands for furry coat, which symbolizes luxurious
. Replace the word
luxury
As a result
, hunters poach and sell them, and jeopardize their life for unessential reasons. It is argued that in the past, people had to hunt and use animals
for the
various Correct article usage
apply
necessity
, Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
however
, in the modern era, there is
no logical reasons for that.
Change the verb form
are
On the other hand
, it would be advocated that due to
some especial
nutrients just Correct your spelling
special
founded
in meats, preventing Wrong verb form
found
from
consuming them is impossible. Correct pronoun usage
them from
Nonetheless
, in recent times, it is
discovered that some vegetables have the same nutrients and completely meet the needs of bodies. Wrong verb form
has been
Additionally
, an increase in population coincides with supplying food in which relying on just animals
’ protein is not feasible. Furthermore
, rising the rate of hunting animals
affect
their food chains, too. To put it differently, creatures live based on a linear sequence of hunting and eating. Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
For instance
, eagles provide foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
through
hunting foxes and it is followed by eating mice by foxes and so forth. By excessive consuming of one of Change preposition
by
them
Add a comma
them,
this
chain will be destroyed.
In conclusion, animals
are the
priceless creatures in the world and their existence is vital even for Correct article usage
apply
human
. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Therefore
, preserving them is the onus on human beings. The excessive
Correct article usage
Excessive
consuming
makes them Replace the word
consumption
be
under threat, so strict Unnecessary verb
apply
policy
could assist Fix the agreement mistake
policies
to prevent
Change preposition
in preventing
from
extinction.Change preposition
apply
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task achievement
Be sure to maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. It seems like the essay argues against using animals for certain practices, but this position isn't always strongly expressed.
task achievement
Some ideas could be more clearly articulated. For instance, the emphasis on substituting animal products is a strong point but needs more detail.
coherence cohesion
Build stronger links between paragraphs to guide the reader better. Transitions need to be smoother, enabling a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid abrupt shifts between ideas. Make your argument flow naturally from one point to another, making it easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
The examples given are relevant but need to be more specific. For instance, mention particular studies or statistics about plant-based nutrients or animal extinction to concretize your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument by highlighting the importance of animals and introducing the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion firmly reinforces your argument and emphasizes the importance of preservation. It ties back well to your introduction.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like polyester, cotton, and denim in the fashion industry, and the hunting of foxes by eagles, strengthens your arguments.