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Writing Samples
Band 5

The Diagram below show how leather goods are produced.

The Diagram below show how leather goods are produced.
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The Diagram below
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 how leather goods are produced. The diagram illustrates
leather
Correct article usage
the leather
show examples
 production process.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are ten stages in the ready material fabrication from animal
skin
Use synonyms
 to end product.
First,
Linking Words
the animal
skin
Use synonyms
 was dried, and the dried
skin
Use synonyms
transported
Add a missing verb
was transported
show examples
 to the factory. The
skin
Use synonyms
 in the factory is cleaned and special
chemical
Change the noun form
chemicals
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as lime and pure water are used in
cleaning
Add an article
the cleaning
show examples
 process. After being soaked in lime, the
skin
Use synonyms
 was transferred to
flattening
Correct article usage
a flattening
show examples
 machine. The
skin
Use synonyms
 was shaped in
flattening
Add an article
the flattening
a flattening
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 machine and the damaged parts were removed. In the next
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 the
skin
Use synonyms
 is soaked again in
Correct article usage
the Tannin
show examples
Tannin
Correct article usage
the Tannin
show examples
 pool, where water and vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
show examples
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 used
for eliminating
Change preposition
to eliminate
show examples
bad
Add an article
the bad
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
smells
show examples
smell
Fix the agreement mistake
smells
show examples
.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 process, the
skin
Use synonyms
 is polished in order to obtain relevant material for making various products
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 shoes and bags. In the final
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 the prepared material is labelled and packed for transportation to wholesalers or sales centers. Before
transportation
Add a comma
transportation,
show examples
 the leather products passed from
Quality
Correct article usage
the Quality
show examples
 control system in order to meet quality standards. (Samir Nabiyev)

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words skin with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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