IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is more important to focus on the future rather than the present. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss, including examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #focus #future
There are different views on the issue of what should be taken in the picture present or
future
.Some people would suggest that it is their right to think about what they will do in
future
 for the next generation;
However
, I have a prohibitionist approach that we have to think about both present and
future
 as much as possible.There are two different views on
this
. One point which might be pivotal is the fact that many people do not care about their responsibility to their children.
For instance
, in inner cities like London parents do not care about their
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
 education since they are broke and can not afford it,
therefore
, for the best suggestion government should contribute to society in terms of economics and education. If society cannot grow a healthy generation they might turn to crime and other
such
 potential disasters.
Thus
,I hope in
future
 we have an alfa generation who could be efficient. Nowadays,the strongest argument for the
future
 which in favour is climate change.The majority of governments take a position against
this
,
for instance
, the carbon emissions from companies lead to pollution in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 days,so
this
 dilemma could be rectified by banning firms and
also
 using electric cars
instead
 of petroleum ones.
In addition
, if we want to have
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 environment we must not
abandob
Correct your spelling
abandon
 our garbage in nature since it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 soil and
also
 might
be erode
Change the verb form
erode
show examples
 soil. In reality, of course, planning for pollutants is unlikely, but given the seriousness of the problems can be taken as a primary goal.
Submitted by takhtejamshid1400historikal on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides some arguments and examples, however, it needs a clearer structure. Consider framing your essay with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are present but not fully developed or clearly organized. Ensure each paragraph has a main idea and related examples, and try to provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. Try to follow a logical progression of thoughts to make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Review your grammatical accuracy and usage. While small errors are acceptable, try to minimize errors in sentence structure and word choice to improve readability.
task achievement
You have provided relevant arguments that discuss both sides of the issue, showing your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay does touch upon important issues such as education and climate change, which are significant and relevant to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • focus on the present
  • future-oriented
  • stress and anxiety
  • career goals
  • personal growth
  • innovations and discoveries
  • groundbreaking
  • living in the moment
  • uncertainty
  • meaningful
  • daily life
  • enjoying hobbies
  • long-term
  • balance
  • investment in research and development
  • relationships
  • saving for retirement
  • academic journey
  • milestones
  • setting goals
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