IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
show examples
 are so present in our society and
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 some part of the population consider needed that
kids
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 ages must have extra
activities
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
, others think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 just need to enjoy their lives, from my perspective,
kids
Use synonyms
 only have to live their lives.
Correct article usage
Childhood
show examples
The childhood
Correct article usage
Childhood
show examples
 is a
time
Use synonyms
 in human development with
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great relevance, everything that
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 period might reflect in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 adult life of the citizen, and
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason is very necessary that
kids
Use synonyms
 have a healthy childhood as
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
 to have a satisfactory development, in concerning to
this
Linking Words
, after school
kids
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to have
time
Use synonyms
 to explore
activities
Use synonyms
 that will improve their intellectual growth,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 playing with others
kids
Use synonyms
, because play is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 efficient way to improve their communications skills and ways to relate to the
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 kinds of personalities,
moreover
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 have any extra responsibilities, they will have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to study and do the homework
for instance
Linking Words
, school
activities
Use synonyms
 can boost the knowledge that will former the academic and professional life in the future. Obviously, is important that
children
Use synonyms
 have the consciousness
that is
Linking Words
 mandatory
maintain
Verb problem
to keep
show examples
 the house tidy. Adults can
also
Linking Words
 teach
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 that all
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 of a house are responsible for its cleaning,
however
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
children
Use synonyms
grows
Change the verb form
grow
show examples
 up it can be slowly introduced, maybe in a playing way, not by an obligation or a punishment.
To conclude
Linking Words
, adults should protect
kids
Use synonyms
 and allow
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can develop in a suitable environment, where they have space to solely be
kids
Use synonyms
.It is possible to teach issues of work and housing
activities
Use synonyms
, even though study and play
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 paramount.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You should aim to provide specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. For example, you could discuss specific benefits of play or how responsibilities can be integrated in a child's life without overwhelming them.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay better. Use clear paragraphs with distinct main ideas. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly defines what the paragraph is about.
coherence cohesion
Focus on providing a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. Also, ensure your conclusion summarizes the key points of your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
The importance of childhood as a developmental phase is well articulated and supported.
coherence cohesion
Shows an understanding of the need for balance between responsibilities and free time in children's lives.
coherence cohesion
Uses a variety of sentence structures which makes the essay more engaging to read.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
What to do next:
Look at other essays: