IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives
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Childrens
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Children
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 are so present in our society and
for
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this
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reason
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reason,
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 some part of the population consider needed that
kids
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in
Change preposition
of
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differents
Correct your spelling
different
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 ages must have extra
activities
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in addition
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of
Change preposition
to
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school
Add an article
the school
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, others think that
,
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apply
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 in their free
time
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children
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 just need to enjoy their lives, from my perspective,
kids
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 only have to live their lives.
Correct article usage
Childhood
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The childhood
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Childhood
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 is a
time
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 in human development with
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apply
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a
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apply
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great relevance, everything that
happen
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happens
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 in
this
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 period might reflect in
Correct article usage
the
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 adult life of the citizen, and
for
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this
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 reason is very necessary that
kids
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 have a healthy childhood as
way
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a way
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 to have a satisfactory development, in concerning to
this
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, after school
kids
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needs
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need
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 to have
time
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 to explore
activities
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 that will improve their intellectual growth,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 playing with others
kids
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, because play is
a
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an
show examples
 efficient way to improve their communications skills and ways to relate to the
differents
Correct your spelling
different
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 kinds of personalities,
moreover
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, if
children
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not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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 have any extra responsibilities, they will have enough
time
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 to study and do the homework
for instance
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, school
activities
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 can boost the knowledge that will former the academic and professional life in the future. Obviously, is important that
children
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 have the consciousness
that is
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 mandatory
maintain
Verb problem
to keep
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 the house tidy. Adults can
also
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 teach
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids
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 that all
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
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 of a house are responsible for its cleaning,
however
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,
while
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 the
children
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grows
Change the verb form
grow
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 up it can be slowly introduced, maybe in a playing way, not by an obligation or a punishment.
To conclude
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, adults should protect
kids
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 and allow
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 can develop in a suitable environment, where they have space to solely be
kids
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.It is possible to teach issues of work and housing
activities
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, even though study and play
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 paramount.
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task achievement
You should aim to provide specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. For example, you could discuss specific benefits of play or how responsibilities can be integrated in a child's life without overwhelming them.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay better. Use clear paragraphs with distinct main ideas. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly defines what the paragraph is about.
coherence cohesion
Focus on providing a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. Also, ensure your conclusion summarizes the key points of your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
The importance of childhood as a developmental phase is well articulated and supported.
coherence cohesion
Shows an understanding of the need for balance between responsibilities and free time in children's lives.
coherence cohesion
Uses a variety of sentence structures which makes the essay more engaging to read.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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