In many countries, people are now living longer than sʼever before. Some people think the are benifits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the adventages of having an ageing population outweigh the adventages?
Nowadays, the elderly
people'
the birth rate are increasing as borning is decreasing in many Change noun form
people
counter
countries. Correct word choice
apply
Although
there are several advantages of
old Change preposition
to
people
, living longer it
can have some disadvantages as well. I would argue that Correct pronoun usage
apply
positive
sides of Correct article usage
the positive
this
can outweigh the negatives.
On the one hand, there are several benefits of ageing
Add an article
the ageing
an ageing
population
. The first merit of it is considered to be that an example to their grandchildren. For instance
, old people
can take care of their grandchildren when children'
parents are at work or parents are not home. Another positive aspect is thought to be that elderly Change noun form
children's
people
advice
useful decisions and Replace the word
advise
advices
for young Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
people
. That is
because they are experienced more than young people
.
On the other hand
, despite mentioned
positives ageing Correct article usage
the mentioned
population
might harm for
governments. Because they often become ill and create problems with money. One of the major disadvantages of it is that old Change preposition
apply
people
may serious reason for expenditure family
budget. Correct article usage
the family
For example
, in old age become various and serious
ill after that their children should take care of their parents. Change the word
seriously
Besides
that on ageing population
increase
a disease of Old age and because of Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
this
will be expanded much money.
In conclusion, while
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
population
can offer several positives, there may be some drawbacks too. From my personal point of view, advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
will outweigh the disadvantages.Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
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Task Response
Your introduction provides a general idea but could be more precise and concise. Try to clearly state the topic and your viewpoint within the first few sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points logically follow from one another. Sometimes your ideas seem disconnected.
Task Response
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. For instance, instead of saying 'old people may serious reason for expenditure family budget,' you could specify what kinds of expenses these might be.
Task Response
You have mentioned both advantages and disadvantages of an aging population, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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