IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Environmental damage is the problem of most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

#damage #countries #factors #environment #responsibility
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The development of a territory leads to unavoidable environmental
damage
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 in
this
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country
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. The following essay explains
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, a
country
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's development necessitates the construction of industrial zones, which invariably result in air and noise pollution. Deforestation and other environmental
damage
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 are some of the ways a
country
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 can become richer.
Thus
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, territories became rich by using their environment. So, it is obvious that environmental
damage
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 is caused by the development.
For example
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, China's efforts to increase its wealth have resulted in significant air pollution
due to
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 the use of coal and oil.
Subsequently
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, China's actions are causing
damage
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 to other parts of its environment, including jungles and seas.
Additionally
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, these damages are not limited to China but are affecting the entire world,
such
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 as climate change.
Secondly
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, it's evident that as a nation grows, its citizens begin to consume more than they did previously.
Therefore
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, excessive consumption contributes significantly to environmental problems and waste. Simply put, consumption produces waste.
Furthermore
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, when people become richer, they tend to purchase and consume more than they did in the past.
For instance
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, Turkey's wealth has increased over the past decade, enabling its citizens to consume more than before.
Moreover
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, Turkey produces millions of tonnes of waste annually.
In addition
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, Turkey's rivers have dried up, causing problems not only for the
country
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 itself but
also
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 for its neighbours,
such
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 as Iraq and Iran. In conclusion, when a
country
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 develops and becomes richer than before, it causes pollution and other environmental
damage
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, which cannot be avoided.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the main points are seamlessly interconnected with smooth transitions between them.
task achievement
Expand a bit more on the conclusion to reinforce the essay's main points.
task achievement
Try to offer a more comprehensive range of examples, not just limited to a few countries, to enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like China and Turkey effectively illustrates the main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-maintained, with clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
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