IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

68.The charts below show the amount of financial aid that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

68.The charts below show the amount of financial aid that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #amount #aid #four #countries #money #information #features #comparisons
This
 chart gives information about
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 aid that four countries received and how the money was spent in 1974 and 2014.
Overall
, there are 4 nations who are China, Indonesia, Thailand and South Africa. Chinese and South Africa’s financial aid in 1974 was the highest one for above 60 million among the other
countryside
Replace the word
countries
show examples
. But, in 2014
this
 effect was
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
.
Additionally
, similarities between
Correct article usage
the republic
show examples
republic
Capitalize word
Republic
show examples
 of Indonesia with the
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 of Thailand are economy and
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
For instance
,
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 category was the highest one in 1974. So, that’s why in many
area’s
Correct your spelling
areas
show examples
this
 profession very successful.
For example
, Chinese income for all categories
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 increased,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
at the end
 of
2014
Add a comma
2014,
show examples
this
 sort of budget was decreased. In conclusion,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
only these 4 states were considered, highlighting their major and minor aspects, but
this
 is not well articulated. Rating
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 economic issues and challenges for all top-rating
homeland
Fix the agreement mistake
homelands
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: