Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, many
people
believe that museums
should be a place which provides entertainment to people
. On the other hand
, many individuals suppose museums
must be an area where people
learn new education. In this
essay
I will discuss both points of Add a comma
essay,
views
and share my opinion.
Proponents of the idea that Fix the agreement mistake
view
museums
should entertain argue that making museums
enjoyable can attract a broader audience, including those who might not typically be interested in traditional museum exhibits. Interactive displays and multimedia presentations are one
of the best options for Correct determiner usage
some
museums
to develop the
level Correct article usage
a
Change preposition
of captivate
captivate
. If the visitors appear more the museum's profits will increase so Replace the word
captivation
museums
can take that money to build more architecture to serve human needs. Some people
can
not Verb problem
do
receive
Verb problem
have
energy
to go to Correct article usage
the energy
museums
. For example
, many students
when they have a chance to tour museums
they
feel no excitement and hold the phone all Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
. The fact that Correct article usage
the time
museums
become interesting will provide for
Change preposition
apply
students
motivation
to learn historical facts and interesting artefacts. Change preposition
with motivation
As a consequence
, it will help learners to find out more compelling and museums
can build lifelong interest.
Conversely
, those who believe that education should be the primary focus of museums
argue that these institutions have a responsibility to preserve and convey knowledge
. When the museums
build too much entertainment it will create necessary problems which distract students
. Meanwhile, museums
represent cultural heritage and historical values and provide spaces to learn about the past, understand cultures and gain insights into historical achievements. Maximising the amount of knowledge
that students
receive when visiting museums
will help them learn much more beneficial knowledge
. As a result
, students
can deeply understand more about historical achievements.
In conclusion, people
who support the statement that museums
should be an entertainment area say that making museums
enjoyable can be a great attraction to visitors, and museums
can reinvest the extra income that they have towards better facilities. However
, those who trust education must be the main focus of the museums
have a belief that museums
have the responsibility to protect and provide knowledge
. In my opinion, it is true that museums
should provide a relaxing atmosphere to a degree to help students
and other visitors to learn effectively.Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases between points. This can help the essay flow more smoothly and enhance the reader’s understanding.
Task Achievement
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to increase clarity. For example, the phrase "some people can not receive energy" could be more clearly expressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion of both viewpoints. It is clear and concise.
Task Achievement
You provide a well-rounded discussion by presenting and elaborating on both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements.
Task Achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and provides a clear personal opinion, which ties up the essay nicely.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.