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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#percentage #drug #company’s #sales #region #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar graph illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the proportion of a
drug
Use synonyms
 company's total
drug
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
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 three different areas including
Asia
Use synonyms
,
Europe
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
America
Correct word choice
and America
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 during the period between 2002 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of a
drug
Use synonyms
company’s
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 in almost all regions decreased significantly except for
Asia
Use synonyms
 from 2002 to 2006.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Asia
Use synonyms
 had the largest rate of total
sales
Use synonyms
 in the
two
Use synonyms
 final
years
Use synonyms
. In
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
America
Use synonyms
, in the year 2002, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of a
drug
Use synonyms
company’s
Use synonyms
 total
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 were 34% and 41%, respectively. After
two
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, both continents had the opposite trend. In
America
Use synonyms
, there was a fall from 41% to 27% in the sum
sales
Use synonyms
 figures,
while
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
 increased moderately by 4% in the same period. Especially, from 2004 to 2006, both regions including
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
America
Use synonyms
 had the same drop in
sales
Use synonyms
 proportions and that figure was
also
Linking Words
 30% in the
last
Linking Words
 year. In
Asia
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of a
drug
Use synonyms
company’s
Use synonyms
 total
sales
Use synonyms
 in the first
years
Use synonyms
 was one quarter. That
sales
Use synonyms
 figures had a gradual rise in the next
two
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 and increased by the same amount that was 5% from 2004 to 2006. In the
last
Linking Words
two
Use synonyms
 recorded
years
Use synonyms
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 percentages climbed slightly from 35% to 40%.
However
Linking Words
, that figure was the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of a
drug
Use synonyms
company’s
Use synonyms
 total
sales
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words drug, sales, asia, europe, america, percentage, company’s, two, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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