‏WRITING TASK 2 ‏You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. ‏Write about the following topic: ‏Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the ‏past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television ‏for children. ‏Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge ‏or experience. ‏You should write at least 250 words.

In our world, there are a lot of good things. These things affect our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
wachting
Correct your spelling
watching
Television is one of these things. Some people think that
this
is a positive development,
while
others disagree and think it may lead to adverse ramifications.
This
essay will
wachting
Correct your spelling
watch
Television agrees
that is
beneficial.
This
essay will discuss both points of view. First of all,watching
TV
in
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
with
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kids
can be learning
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
in
Change preposition
apply
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today. To explain that, when
kids
ordain
Verb problem
spend
show examples
more
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watching
Tv that
Correct your spelling
TV, they
may
learning
Change the verb form
learn
be learning
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
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language .
For
example
, some
children
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
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language from some programmes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
.
In addition
to that,watching
TV
can be
Correct your spelling
a way
show examples
away
Correct your spelling
a way
show examples
to rest and relax
Change preposition
for
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
many
children
today. To illustrate that,some studies or researches proved that 70% of
kids
watching
TV
in
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
spend more
time
as they away to
res
Correct your spelling
rest
show examples
and relax.
For instance
, my son
enjoy
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enjoys
show examples
watching programs from MBC3 since it makes
programme
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programmes
show examples
funny
Correct word choice
fun
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. On ‏the other hand,
wachting
Correct your spelling
watching
Television may be to laziness and lethargy to
children
to a large
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
.
In other words
,
kids
who like watching
TV
may have some
prblomes
Correct your spelling
problems
such
as less to engage in physical activities .As ‏ an
example
for that,my
7 year old
Add a hyphen
7-year-old
show examples
son watching
TV
more
then
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than
show examples
7 hours they
are impact
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are impacted
are impacting
show examples
to less engage
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. Not only that, but
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to health issues. As an
example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
that,
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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children
spend long hours, will
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
problems
such
as obesity. To give a clear
example
, my daughter gained 10 kilo grams from watching
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
in only
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
month . By way of conclusion, after a detailed analysis of both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, I believe that watching
TV
in spend
time
is negative since it is laziness
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
lethargy and obesity.
Submitted by fatoomdes on

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly reflects your stance on the issue. The current thesis is slightly unclear about whether the essay supports or opposes the idea that watching television is beneficial for children. Separating your introduction and conclusion would make your stance more explicit. Also, ensure that the advantages and disadvantages are balanced in terms of discussion depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'On the other hand,' etc., more effectively. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating ideas and ensure each argument is well-supported with relevant examples. For instance, expanding on health issues related to excessive TV watching can add depth to your discussion. Ensure that the conclusion reiterates the main points more clearly.
grammar vocabulary
Pay attention to grammatical correctness and vocabulary usage. For example, 'watching' not 'wachting,' 'leads' not 'lead,' and 'problems,' not 'prblomes.' Using a varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures can make your essay more engaging.
grammar vocabulary
Work on spelling and punctuation to improve readability. Simple errors like 'watching' should be corrected and ensure proper spacing after commas and full stops.
task achievement
You made a noticeable effort to cover both the advantages and disadvantages of children watching television, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The inclusion of personal examples makes your arguments more relatable and authentic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, giving a sense of completeness to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to maintain a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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