WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
In our world, there are a lot of good things. These things affect our
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
wachting
Television is one of these things. Some people think that Correct your spelling
watching
this
is a positive development, while
others disagree and think it may lead to adverse ramifications. This
essay will wachting
Television agrees Correct your spelling
watch
that is
beneficial. This
essay will discuss both points of view.
First of all,watching TV
in spend
Replace the word
spending
time
for
Change preposition
with
kids
can be learning new
language Add an article
a new
in
today. To explain that, when Change preposition
apply
kids
ordain
more Verb problem
spend
time
in
Change preposition
apply
the
watching Correct article usage
apply
Tv that
may Correct your spelling
TV, they
learning
Change the verb form
learn
be learning
new
language . Add an article
a new
For
example
, some children
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
new
language from some programmes Add an article
a new
in
Change preposition
on
TV
.In addition
to that,watching TV
can be Correct your spelling
a way
away
to rest and relax Correct your spelling
a way
Change preposition
for
to
many Change preposition
for
children
today. To illustrate that,some studies or researches proved that 70% of kids
watching TV
in
spend more Correct word choice
apply
time
as they away to res
and relax. Correct your spelling
rest
For instance
, my son enjoy
watching programs from MBC3 since it makes Change the verb form
enjoys
programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
funny
.
On the other hand,Correct word choice
fun
wachting
Television may be to laziness and lethargy to Correct your spelling
watching
children
to a large extend
.Replace the word
extent
In other words
,kids
who like watching TV
may have some prblomes
Correct your spelling
problems
such
as less to engage in physical activities .As an example
for
that,my 7 year old
son watching Add a hyphen
7-year-old
TV
more then
7 hours they Replace the word
than
are impact
to less engage Change the verb form
are impacted
are impacting
activites
. Not only that, but Correct your spelling
activities
lead
to health issues. As an Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
example
for
that,Change preposition
of
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
children
spend long hours, will healthy
problems Replace the word
health
such
as obesity. To give a clear example
, my daughter gained 10 kilo grams from watching Tv
in only Correct your spelling
TV
on
month .
By way of conclusion, after a detailed analysis of both points of Correct your spelling
one
views
, I believe that watching Fix the agreement mistake
view
TV
in spend time
is negative since it is laziness and
lethargy and obesity.Correct word choice
apply
Submitted by fatoomdes on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly reflects your stance on the issue. The current thesis is slightly unclear about whether the essay supports or opposes the idea that watching television is beneficial for children. Separating your introduction and conclusion would make your stance more explicit. Also, ensure that the advantages and disadvantages are balanced in terms of discussion depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'On the other hand,' etc., more effectively. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating ideas and ensure each argument is well-supported with relevant examples. For instance, expanding on health issues related to excessive TV watching can add depth to your discussion. Ensure that the conclusion reiterates the main points more clearly.
grammar vocabulary
Pay attention to grammatical correctness and vocabulary usage. For example, 'watching' not 'wachting,' 'leads' not 'lead,' and 'problems,' not 'prblomes.' Using a varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures can make your essay more engaging.
grammar vocabulary
Work on spelling and punctuation to improve readability. Simple errors like 'watching' should be corrected and ensure proper spacing after commas and full stops.
task achievement
You made a noticeable effort to cover both the advantages and disadvantages of children watching television, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The inclusion of personal examples makes your arguments more relatable and authentic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, giving a sense of completeness to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to maintain a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.