IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should spend money on rai/ways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #rai #roads
Nowadays, it is believed that
people
 encouraged governments to prioritize their budgets on
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of public transportation
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
show examples
, like railways,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the construction of
roads
. As someone who commutes all day throughout the city, I tend to agree with
this
 movement. Better public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential for a city to have. One major advantage of prioritizing the infrastructure of railways, rather than
roads
, is that
cities
 are able to provide facilities to accommodate
public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s
show examples
 massive mobilization. It connects
people
 and
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 arrive faster at a certain place, rather than getting stuck in some congested areas
due to
 traffic jams.
Moreover
, the
roads
 have been full of
people
 driving, which makes
people
 have to deal with slowing every day. Fixing potholes or maximizing
under construction
Add a hyphen
under-construction
show examples
roads
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 never going to be enough to solve traffic problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if choosing to utilize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation is not
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 for majorities.
Furthermore
, the increasing quality of railway transportation can lead to an increase in
cities
’ infrastructure.
Therefore
, businesses are growing, since there are enough facilities for
people
 to work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
cities
. The
development
 of Indonesia’s mass rapid transport which connects
cities
 set a good example. Since the launching of
such
 transport, there are more
people
 that
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to work in Jakarta when their homes are located in Bandung, Tangerang, and Bogor. Undoubtedly, it is not only increasing the productivity of companies located in Jakarta
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the diversity of their employees where there will be many
people
 with diverse ethnic backgrounds from across the city. In conclusion, I believe that it is better for the governments to support the
development
 of railways rather than focusing on road
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
. The decisions will
not
Add a missing verb
be not
show examples
 only beneficial for communities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 for companies and industry leaders. If
cities
 are accessible to society, it is evidence that the governments are
concerning
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 the
development
 across nations.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence of your essay, ensure that the main points in each paragraph are clearly linked together. This helps the reader follow your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Try to avoid using informal language in academic writing. Phrases like 'Better public transportations are essential for a city to have' can be rephrased to sound more formal, for example, 'Improved public transportation systems are crucial for urban development'.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, indicating a clear stance on the issue and providing relevant examples, such as the development of Indonesia’s mass rapid transport.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately summarize the main arguments, adding to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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