IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should spend money on rai/ways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #rai #roads
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Nowadays, it is believed that
people
Use synonyms
 encouraged governments to prioritize their budgets on
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of public transportation
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
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, like railways,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the construction of
roads
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. As someone who commutes all day throughout the city, I tend to agree with
this
Linking Words
 movement. Better public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential for a city to have. One major advantage of prioritizing the infrastructure of railways, rather than
roads
Use synonyms
, is that
cities
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 are able to provide facilities to accommodate
public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s
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 massive mobilization. It connects
people
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 and
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 arrive faster at a certain place, rather than getting stuck in some congested areas
due to
Linking Words
 traffic jams.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
roads
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 have been full of
people
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 driving, which makes
people
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 have to deal with slowing every day. Fixing potholes or maximizing
under construction
Add a hyphen
under-construction
show examples
roads
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 never going to be enough to solve traffic problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if choosing to utilize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation is not
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 for majorities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the increasing quality of railway transportation can lead to an increase in
cities
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’ infrastructure.
Therefore
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, businesses are growing, since there are enough facilities for
people
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 to work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
cities
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. The
development
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 of Indonesia’s mass rapid transport which connects
cities
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 set a good example. Since the launching of
such
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 transport, there are more
people
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 that
able
Add a missing verb
are able
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 to work in Jakarta when their homes are located in Bandung, Tangerang, and Bogor. Undoubtedly, it is not only increasing the productivity of companies located in Jakarta
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 the diversity of their employees where there will be many
people
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 with diverse ethnic backgrounds from across the city. In conclusion, I believe that it is better for the governments to support the
development
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 of railways rather than focusing on road
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
. The decisions will
not
Add a missing verb
be not
show examples
 only beneficial for communities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for companies and industry leaders. If
cities
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 are accessible to society, it is evidence that the governments are
concerning
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 the
development
Use synonyms
 across nations.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence of your essay, ensure that the main points in each paragraph are clearly linked together. This helps the reader follow your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Try to avoid using informal language in academic writing. Phrases like 'Better public transportations are essential for a city to have' can be rephrased to sound more formal, for example, 'Improved public transportation systems are crucial for urban development'.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, indicating a clear stance on the issue and providing relevant examples, such as the development of Indonesia’s mass rapid transport.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately summarize the main arguments, adding to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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