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Band 3.5

Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #duty #citizens #diet #responsibility
There is no doubt that these days some
people
 consider the
government
 is responsible
to protect
Change preposition
for protecting
show examples
 its
people
 to have a healthy
diet
, but others disagree and think it is up to each person to look after himself, In
this
 essay I'm going to discuss both views and give my opinion.
To begin
 with
diet
, it's not realistic that the
government
 should keep an eye on everyone's eating system and health, to illustrate, one commission will not be able to know what all
people
 in the community are consuming and what type of
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 they're doing,
for instance
, arranging a day to meet thousands of different
people
 and advise them about their
diet
 meals,
therefore
, that's why some
people
 think that giving the
government
 the duty to ensure
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
healthy nutrition for its citizens is impossible.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that it's the responsibility of individuals to be healthy, to elaborate, they will know what type of
diet
 they need to have a good body looking, for illustration, The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of meals required in the day, the
quantity
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number
show examples
 of hours of
excersizing
Correct your spelling
exercising
, in
this
 method they will be comfortable
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing it,
whereas
 if someone is instructing them to do something and control their way of life, mostly it won't have a positive result. In conclusion, I believe that it's not straightforward for the
government
 to ensure a healthy life for all
people
, so I disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to develop each main point thoroughly in separate paragraphs. For instance, discuss the views on individual responsibility in a well-developed paragraph rather than cutting it short.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, mention specific measures individuals or governments can take to promote a healthy diet.
task achievement
Avoid contradictions and provide a more detailed explanation of your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both views, which is essential for this type of essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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