There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today's generation has a lot of benefits from
globalization
, the impact is direct to a personal, business until
nation and I Change preposition
apply
am agree
with that. But, Change the verb form
agree
on
Change preposition
apply
a
billions of Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
people
on the earth, several perspectives disagree to
the existence of Change preposition
with
globalization
and may against
it.
Nowadays, Add a missing verb
be against
globalization
has become a general phrase as a medium to
connecting Change preposition
for
people
. The connection between two instances is able to do the same goal, even from two different unidentified locations. For instance
, A business owner from Vancouver might have a data engineer from Sleman, or it is called remote working. The essential of remote working is the employer getting a lower-salary man and the employer getting a job from q developed country, usually higher than the country they lived.
Change preposition
in.
However
, it is mutually benefittcial
for each other.
Correct your spelling
beneficial
On the other hand
, there are some negative aspects. The main drawback is unfair competition between international companies and local shops. As a result
, jobs in small businesses tend to disappear and incomes tend to be concentrated in large enterprises. Another disadvantage is that patterns of consumption are becoming more and more similar in the world. In this
situation, local cultures and traditional items might be replaced with market mainstream, because of
the mass product is available at a cheaper price.
Change preposition
apply
To sum up
my points, the globalization
impact is unavoidable, since the existence of internet
may connect Correct article usage
the internet
people
easily in every country, competencies is
a key to survival. Business can be replaced, all the more with individual Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, which is great. However, work on improving the introduction. Instead of writing 'I am agree with that,' you should use 'I agree with that.' Also, clarifying your stance on the issue will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. The first paragraph does not effectively introduce the topic or your opinion. Try structuring your introduction with a hook, a brief explanation of globalization, and then stating your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points. For example, when discussing remote working, you could delve deeper into how it benefits both employer and employee. Additionally, provide examples of small businesses struggling against international companies to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from better transitions between ideas. Use linking words or phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition.' This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reinforce your opinion. Your current conclusion briefly touches upon the points discussed, but it could be more comprehensive. Try summarizing the advantages and disadvantages mentioned and reaffirming your stance on globalization.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, presenting both positive and negative aspects of globalization.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay shows a clear separation of ideas, which helps in understanding your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.