IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 modernized world, most of the commodities are sold through
advertisement
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. It is an undeniable factor for the marketing sector.
Whilst
Correct word choice
apply
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, some
people
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 believe, it will
provocate
Verb problem
encourage
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 customers to buy the
products
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 even if they are not required and others say advertisements will bring novel things to the market and enhance
people
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’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. From my perspective,
advertisement
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 is a bridge and it can connect the
product
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 and consumers easily.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 present world, most of the
products
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 are sold through
advertisement
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, celebrities are participating in a lot of advertisements and promoting the
products
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Thus
Linking Words
,
people
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 and fans are giving more priority to purchase that
product
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, even if they don't want it.
Additionally
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, if any
product
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 wants to reach the market, advertisements must be required without
this
Linking Words
, it will be hard to reach the customers.
In other words
Linking Words
,
advertisement
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 is just a medium for
people
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know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
 what they require and no one can interrupt their freedom. Any individuals who are financially good level they have only keen to buy the
products
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 even if not required. To illustrate, in my home country, advertising companies introduce a lot of kitchen items during the festival times and
people
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 who have stable financial
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 only
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interested in buying those items.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
advertisement
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 is one of the keys to marketing business and it will bring new
products
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 for customer usage.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is an advanced catalogue of the
products
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in
Change preposition
apply
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which
people
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 are interested in buying. It will create hope for any
product
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 and encourage customers to
purchase
Correct pronoun usage
purchase it
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it's hard to say any
product
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 that
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 required for
people
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. It depends on
people
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’s own decisions and they can choose whatever they want.
Advertisement
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 is just a tool and it can promote the
products
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
’s benefit

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grammar
Improve sentence structure and reduce grammatical errors for clearer communication. For example, be mindful of subject-verb agreement and consistent tense usage.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to reinforce your arguments. Your current examples are somewhat generic and could be more impactful with added specificity.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas, ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
introduction
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion and presents the viewpoints well.
conclusion
You have a clear and balanced conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task response
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic and presents a balanced view, which is a good approach for this type of task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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