IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Smoking is becoming a major problem for the users and the people around them. As a result, it needs to prevent in social areas. I do not agree that a ban is the most appropriate course of action. This essay will discuss my point of view in the following paragraphs.

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In everyday life, smoking is now a thing of concern for consumers and non-consumers alike. Clarifying
further
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, for non-smokers, smoking in closed areas like restaurants, buses, classrooms and the like could cause enormous levels of discomfort.
While
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on the other hand
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, tobacco users do get unaccepted evidenced by the kind of reception they get when they inhale around crowds that do not. I will be discussing my point of view in
this
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 write-up where I do not think a complete ban on vaping in public areas is a solution
instead
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, there should be a balance that works for both bodies who smoke and those who do not.
Firstly
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, it is really unfear for those who do not inhale any form of cigarettes to endure vapour from areas which are unavoidable. A number of these human beings might have health conditions like asthma which could cause a shortage of breath when they come in contact with fume. I have seen a case where someone started smoking in an airtight bus,
this
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 resulted in an asthmatic person's collapse.
Secondly
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, even though I am not against cigarette users doing their thing in social environments. I am an advocate of being polite when letting someone smoking beside you know that you are uncomfortable with it rather than acting in a discriminatory manner.
This
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 was an experience when I was in a restaurant,
then
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 someone started smoking without observing or verifying if it was ok to do so.
This
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 was not accepted by one of the men sitting close by, which led to an exchange of words and
subsequently
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 a fight. In conclusion, I do strongly condemn banning completely smoking of any type in public, rather there should be consideration on the part of chain-smokers and those who do not.
In addition
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, these establishments can help accommodate folks from both sides by putting up signs to identify whether individuals can use cigarettes or not.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your arguments are balanced by providing counterarguments or mentioning the benefits of having smoking areas that can accommodate both smokers and non-smokers. This will enhance the depth of your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammar and vocabulary accuracy to improve the clarity of your writing. For example, using 'unfair' instead of 'unfear' would be more appropriate and improve your overall language proficiency.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that relates directly to your thesis statement. Make sure each point flows logically into the next to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines your main argument and indicates what the essay will discuss, which is a strong start.
Task Achievement
You included personal experiences which help to illustrate your points and make the essay more relatable to readers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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