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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believethat they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

#people #university #students #study #believethat #subjects #future #science #technology
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There is a notion that
people
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 should study whatever they like in the university.
In contrast
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, another statement is they have to study crucial subjects,
such
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 as those related to
science
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 and
technology
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. It is true that all countries really need
science
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 and
technology
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 to improve their quality of
life
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. Yet, it is important to note that everyone has their own capability and passion. Nowadays,
science
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 and
technology
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 are the most important aspects to
people
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 to improve their quality of
life
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. Developing countries are more aware of conducting more research so that they can develop or generate new
technology
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.
For example
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, in the past, bananas had a short lifetime because ethylene which is naturally produced by bananas caused ripening acceleration.
However
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, in recent times, there have been several methods to prevent banana decay,
such
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 as using an adsorbent to adsorb ethylene.
As a result
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,
this
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 way gives several advantages to farmer
life
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.
However
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, apart from
science
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 and
technology
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,
people
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also
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 need other aspects of
life
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,
such
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 as arts and sports. It is
also
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 crucial to ensure that there is
also
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 an expertise in those fields. It is good if
people
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 get good entertainment and have a good work-
life
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 balance.
Therefore
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, it is ok if students are allowed to choose the subject based on their passions and capabilities.
For example
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, we can not force a student who is not good at math and
science
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 but talented in art to become an engineer or a doctor. Definitely, he/she will make a huge contribution to society if he/she becomes an artist in the future. In conclusion, it will be wiser if we allow students to choose a subject based on their passions and abilities. Even though the most important subjects to the growth of countries are
science
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 and
technology
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, we still need expertise in other fields to fulfil our needs as humans. We
also
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 need something fun to get a better work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance.
Submitted by takhtejamshid1400historikal on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is consistently supported with relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and effective introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
task achievement
You responded to the task effectively by presenting both perspectives and giving a balanced conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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