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Band 4.5

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools
There is no denying the fact that bullying is a significant problem in many schools and societies.
This
 essay will discuss what you believe are the reasons for
this
 and what solutions can you suggest. To being with, there are many reasons
for
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apply
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why bullying occurs in schools.
Firstly
, inadequate understanding of diversity and individual differences among students.
In other words
, power dynamics and the need for some children to dominate others.
In addition
, family background issues where children mimic aggressive behaviours.
For example
, a child who witnesses violence at home may exhibit similar aggressive behaviour at school, believing it to be a normal way to interact with peers.In terms of the solutions, creating awareness and education programs for students. It is possible to say that teachers, and parents, have strict
anti- bullying
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anti-bullying
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 policies and clear consequences for bullying behaviour.
Moreover
, should encourage a school culture of respect and kindness, and conflict resolution training.
For instance
, implementing a '
buddy-system
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buddy system
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,' where older or more confident students help to look out and support those who are vulnerable to bullying. In conclusion, there are many causes of bullying. It is
also
 true that many solutions for limiting bullying at schools.
Submitted by 01_salver_cheek on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and that ideas are developed in detail. For example, expand on points like inadequate understanding of diversity. Present more concrete examples and expand on them to provide a robust argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in the structure of sentences and use a variety of sentence structures. This helps improve readability and keeps the reader engaged. Also, make sure to proofread your work to catch small grammar and punctuation errors, which can disrupt the flow of the essay.
task achievement
You have successfully identified multiple causes of bullying, such as a lack of understanding of diversity and family background issues. This demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the topic. This enhances the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You concluded the essay effectively, summarizing the main points and reiterating the significance of the issue. This gives a sense of closure to the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
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