IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The increasing in people's life expectancy means that they have to work deal old days to play pay for the retirement one alternative is that people start to work at younger is this alternative opposite or negative development

#people #life #expectancy #work #retirement #alternative #development
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Due to
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 a long
life
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 span, many
people
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are being force
Change the verb form
are being forced
are forcing
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 to work past retirement
age
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.So, some
people
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 consider joining the workforce from a younger
age
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a solution. I believe it is not only beneficial for
people
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 but
also
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. From the individual
perspective
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perspective,
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 the advantage of starting work at
younger
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a younger
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age
Use synonyms
 is that
people
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 can save more money and
thus
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 have financial security in the leters
stays
Verb problem
apply
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of
life
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.
This
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ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
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 that they are not obligated to work during
older
Correct word choice
old
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age
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 when
must
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most
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people
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 are already suffering from health ailments.
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Secondly
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Secondly,
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 young
people
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 have fewer financial and family obligations
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then
Correct your spelling
than
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 older workers, and
thus
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 able to prioritize their careers.
For example
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, they might be able to move from one
City
Fix capitalization
city
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 to another for promotion,
while
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 it might be quite challenging for the employees with a family.
As a result
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, they are able to climb the
career
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 ladder faster leading to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a significant higher pay package
significant higher pay packages
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significant
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significantly
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 higher pay packages by the
time
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 they retire.
In addition
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,starting a
career
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 early
,
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apply
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 means that
people
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 have
option
Change the article
the option
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 to switch careers in later stages of
life
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, as they would be still comparatively younger.
This
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 might not be possible past a certain
age
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 in
life
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 .
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Finally
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Finally,
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 companies are
also
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 willing to train and invest in your employees who are likely to stay with them for a longer
time
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 as compared to the older ones.
In other words
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,
people
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 have
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
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 of securing
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 early in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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. The main advantage from
societal
Correct article usage
a societal
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prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
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 is that
general
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generally
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 younger employees are fitter and
productive
Correct quantifier usage
more productive
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 as compared to
the
Change the word
their
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 older counterparts.
Moreover
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 starting
the
Correct article usage
a
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career
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 early means
people
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 are established by the
time
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, your family and first year able to
deboat
Correct your spelling
de boat
debloat
 more
time
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 to the children's upbringing
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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This
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 can in part address
the
Correct article usage
apply
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 like smoking drinking and drug abuse in teenagers and
also
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rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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juvenil
Correct your spelling
juvenile
 delinquency. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that starting a
career
Use synonyms
 early is certainly a better alternative to working older it would be
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
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 both for the
people
Use synonyms
 and society as well.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt, working on grammar and spelling accuracy will improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing transitions between paragraphs and ideas will improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples to support your points, which will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both individual and societal perspectives, giving a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, outlining the main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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