The large number of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend money for the development of public transportation systems in order to help solve this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In nowdays
Change preposition
Nowdays
show examples
,
while
cars
have become an essential tool for
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
, the number of
cars
on the roads has been increasing constantly, which has generated more
car
emissions and worsened global warming. Some insist that governments should allocate more budget
into
Change preposition
to
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public
transportation
systems
,
whereas
others complain that the growth of alternative
cars
such
as electric
cars
is more beneficial than the development of public
transportation
systems
. In my opinion, both upgrades are crucial to solve the problem. On the one hand, the total number of
cars
used is associated with the size of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. In fact, urban cities have more
cars
than rural areas, which leads to constant traffic congestion in metropolises.
Therefore
, reducing traffic jams in big cities requires the improvement of public
transportation
systems
for less pollution.
For instance
, the government in BC, Canada has introduced two-story buses to expand the capacity of passengers.
On the other hand
, normal
cars
, which run on petrol or diesel gases, accounted for the majority of private
cars
around the world.
However
, electric
cars
, which are more environmentally friendly, have been invented and the demand for
this
type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
has been increasing. In fact, in Norway, the government promoted Tesla
cars
by means of free parking lots and no
car
tax.
As a result
, 75% of people in Norway use Tesla
cars
now which contributed to reduced
car
emissions.
To conclude
, the increased number of
cars
has negative impacts on environments in the Earth,
decreasing
Correct word choice
and decreasing
show examples
car
emissions is indispensable.
Consequently
, I believe that the combination of advanced public
transportation
systems
and alternative
cars
would allow for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better environments rather than focusing on a single measure.
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

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grammar
There are a few minor grammar errors such as 'in nowdays' which should be 'nowadays' and 'car emissions is indispensable' which should be 'decreasing car emissions is indispensable.' Focus on maintaining grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
The response effectively covers both sides of the argument as well as providing a clear opinion. However, the points could be elaborated further for deeper insight.
coherence cohesion
Try to balance the development of each point equally and avoid repetition. Some areas had less detail than others, which could disrupt the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in navigating through the essay.
task achievement
The essay remains on topic and addresses both views effectively.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • emissions
  • pollutants
  • sustainable
  • efficient
  • affordable
  • overcrowding
  • traffic
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • alternative
  • renewable
  • fossil fuels
  • technology
  • incentives
  • reducing
  • combating
  • environmentally friendly
  • greenhouse gases
  • global warming
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