In many countries, overweight and unhealthy children pose a problem. Some people say it’s the government’s responsibility to solve this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
contemporary
era, Add an article
the contemporary
weighty
and fitness have become a broad issue in the general public. Some people argue that Correct your spelling
weight
this
depends on authority. Conversely
, it seems to me that family is also
crucial for your people. The following essay will shed light on this
view.
On the one hand, humans should recognize that administration is vital for human health, particularly for youngsters. A very important point to consider is that the government invests in the development of sports utilities or playgrounds. This
means that children have the option to take part in healthy parks. To illustrate this
point, I would like to mention that young people participate in amusement in their neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
instead
of focusing on video games. Another point I would like to make is that authority can limit kid's excessive consumption of sugar and fat. This
is because of the fact that youths are unable to manage and are unaware of what they have taken, whether it is dangerous or beneficial. For example
, nowadays 46% of teenagers have overweight disease.
On the other hand
, some measures should be applied to reduce unhealthy habits. In fact, parents are the primary guardians responsible for feeding and taking care of their offspring. However
, parentals
invariably overindulge their sons. Simply becauseReplace the word
parents
,
others believe that fast food can make one joyful. Remove the comma
apply
Hence
, adolescents are likely to remain obese and in poor health in the long term. In lieu, dwellers should concentrate on their child's sports and emotions. For instance
, the majority of European parents typically encourage their lads to engage in weekly workouts to ensure that they remain keep
fit.
In conclusion, young children who have overfat illness do not rely entirely on the state. Verb problem
apply
This
is a cooperation between society and familySubmitted by quynhtranhbh on
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grammar
Be careful with grammar and wording. There are some inaccuracies that slightly distract from the clarity of your points.
introduction
Your introduction could be clearer. Starting with a general statement about the prevalence of overweight issues in many countries could provide a better context.
conclusion
Your conclusion is somewhat abrupt. Expanding it with a summary of your main points and a final thought could strengthen it.
examples
You provided relevant examples, which help to clarify your points and strengthen your argument.
structure
Your essay is well-organized and each paragraph has a clear focus.
balance
You effectively addressed both sides of the issue, acknowledging the role of both government and family in addressing the problem.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?