In many countries, overweight and unhealthy children pose a problem. Some people say it’s the government’s responsibility to solve this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #it’s #government’s #responsibility

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this

Linking Words

day and age, obesity in kids has become a broad issue in the general public. Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that it is the

athorities

Correct your spelling

authorities

accountability to resolve

this

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However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

it seems to me that,

this

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also

Linking Words

the responsibility of

parents

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the following essay will shed light on

this

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view. On the one hand,

people

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should recognize that The government plays a major role in the health of each citizen. A very important

poin

Correct your spelling

point

points

to consider

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

the

politicans

Correct your spelling

politicians

should invest in

sports

Use synonyms

facilities for children

such

Linking Words

as investing in parks, playgrounds and public

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

this

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mean

Change the verb form

means

show examples

that youngsters have opportunities for healthy activities and playgrounds. A good example

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

the youth have the opportunity to participate in activities with friends

instead

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of watching TV all day. Another

poin

Correct your spelling

point

Change the capitalization

show examples

would like to make is that controlling young

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

diet is

also

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important as consuming too much sugar will lead to cardiovascular diseases or obesity in

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

On the other hand

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, Family responsibility is

also

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an indispensable part in controlling young

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health.

Firstly

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, Providing proper nutrition is an important part of checking a

childrent

Correct your spelling

child's

weight

parents

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need to prepare nutritious meals that include vegetables, fruits and protein.

In addition

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parents

Use synonyms

should limit young

adults

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adults'

adult's

show examples

snacks

such

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as drinking carbonated drinks or eating processed foods.

Furthermore

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Parents

Use synonyms

should encourage children to exercise physically

such

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as jogging,

playing

Correct word choice

and playing

show examples

sports

Use synonyms

. Organize family

sports

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activities

such

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as walking, cycling,

swimming

Correct word choice

and swimming

show examples

to create exercise habits for the younger generation.

To sum

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Add a comma

up,

show examples

the

government

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government's

show examples

responsibility is very important in regulating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youth

Change noun form

youth's

show examples

health, but it cannot be denied that families should

also

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have a role in controlling young

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

weight,

therefore

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needs

Correct pronoun usage

there needs

show examples

to be appropriate measures to help children

be developed

Wrong verb form

develop

show examples

healthily.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Thu Jun 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language

Work on grammatical accuracy and punctuation. There are several minor errors that affect clarity and readability. For instance, 'therefore needs to be appropriate measures' should be 'therefore, there need to be appropriate measures.'

Coherence

Ensure the logical flow and connection between ideas. Some sentences and ideas seem slightly disconnected, which might affect the overall readability of the essay. Use transition words effectively.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While the general points are clear, specific examples will provide better support and make your case more persuasive.

Task Achievement

You have identified the roles of both the government and families in addressing the issue, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Coherence

Your paragraphing is clear and helps in delineating different aspects of your argument, which is good for readability and coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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In many countries, overweight and unhealthy children pose a problem. Some people say it’s the government’s responsibility to solve this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

artificial intelligence aids in tackling a complicated illness

Work is being done on the street where you live. The noise is disturbing you. Write a letter of complaint to your local council. In your letter: introduce yourself explain what the problem is suggest solutions to the problem

In light of the current socio-economic situation of the world, do you think this the right time for wild life preservation? If yes, what are the ways and means you suggestfor this?

Today, more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?