The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Recently, there have been a lot of discussions about
health
and whether it is going to improve or not. In my opinion, I think that
people
will become unhealthier in the
future
than they are now. There are many reasons that support the idea of
people
becoming unhealthy in the
future
.
Firstly
, one reason is that of
food
.
People
tend to eat more fast
food
nowadays. They tend to treat themselves with sweets and chocolate whenever they want.
This
appears to be because
people
are busier now than they used to be. So,
people
don’t have a chance to cook or even learn the art of cookery.
Also
, having a lot of unhealthy
food
can lead to obesity and it could be a serious issue in the
future
. Another reason is that
technology
is developing
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. Young
people
enjoy buying new gadgets and the latest devices.
This
has a negative impact on their
health
, especially when they enjoy video games. Spending long hours looking at a screen can lead to bad eyesight and obesity as well. Yet another reason is that laziness is a big issue. Different forms of
exercise
might disappear in the
future
because
people
don’t like sports.
Also
,
people
prefer spending most of their time on the internet and the internet is growing every single day. Other
people
might disagree and say that
health
will improve in the
future
. They believe that new sports and new ways to
exercise
will appear in the
future
.
However
, I don’t think it can happen since the majority of
people
spend less time outdoors.
Moreover
, other
people
believe that
technology
will try and help
people
improve their
health
.
For example
, there have been some games released on the Wii console that
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
exercise
but
technology
is developing more in a negative way.
For instance
, many phone industries are developing new applications
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
and today’s generation likes to follow every trend.
This
prevents
people
to go
Change preposition
from going
show examples
outside to
exercise
. They like to spend more time on the internet downloading new programmes or reading
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
about
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
.
This
affects
people
’s
health
badly. In conclusion, I believe that
people
’s
health
is affected negatively by fast
food
,
technology
and sports and it will be a problem in the
future
.
Submitted by jolo9419jmor on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clearer paragraphs with distinct main ideas in each. This will help improve coherence and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to use more specific and detailed examples to support your points. Using relevant data or studies can make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using a wider range of sentence structures to add variety to your writing. This will help you convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that states your opinion and the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
You provide several reasons to support your viewpoint, which shows good task response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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