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Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to help under-achieving pupils is to have compulsory after school activities which they must attend. This way they will become more involved in schools and their grades will improve. To what extent do you agree?

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School
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role for
students
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. Some say that low-grade pupils should go to tuition
classes
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 after completing
school
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 periods and it will develop student's involvement towards
school
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 and academic scores
also
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.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement and I clarify some facts behind
this
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 decision.
To begin
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 with, an extra class can help to improve the low-average
students
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' academic
performances
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 on the grounds some learners require
the
Correct article usage
apply
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special care and attention
due to
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 they are
the slow
Correct word choice
slower
show examples
 learners than others.
This
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 is, evening
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classes
Add the comma(s)
classes,
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 clear the doubts and help to consistency of studying in order to pupils score may increase from lower.
For example
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, in India, most parents have been sending their kids to evening
classes
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, and
as a result
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, many learners can easily enter the IIT and MIT. Needless to say, learner's academic
performances
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 will be improved when they go to special
classes
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.
Furthermore
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, weak
students
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 should go to special
classes
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 because it enhances their activity in
school
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 like listening lessons and participating in competitions.
This
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 means tuition centres assist
to
Change preposition
in
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 being consistency of studies
besides
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 schools,
hence
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, they might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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get good scores in exams. Not only improves academic
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performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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 but
also
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 boosts personal development and skills.
For instance
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, evening
classes
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 conduct cycle
test
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tests
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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every week, so
students
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 can study all
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
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 and prepare for exams,
such
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 as board exams. The compulsion of tuition
classes
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 after
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 low-average scholars to become the topper. In conclusion, the mandatory
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
special
classes
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 can bring many benefits. It enriches
students
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' academic
performances
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as well as
Linking Words
 personal development and skills because it helps
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 study
consistency
Replace the word
consistently
show examples
 without taking any
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
.
Hence
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement in the above-mentioned details.

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grammar
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect the readability of your essay. Focus on using clear and concise language.
coherence
Work on improving the coherence and strength of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well supported with specific examples.
development
Try to develop your main points further. While the ideas are relevant, elaborating on them with more detailed examples and explanations can help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively restates the main points and clearly affirms the writer’s position, providing a sense of closure.
task response
The essay addresses the task and presents relevant examples to support the main ideas, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • under-achieving
  • compulsory
  • after-school activities
  • grades
  • improve
  • support
  • resources
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • behavior
  • discipline
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • sense of community
  • belonging
  • drawbacks
  • limited freedom
  • pressure
  • flexible
  • study support programs
  • individualized tutoring
  • address
  • needs
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