IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are some of the negative effects of children watching a lot of television? Do you think young children should be allowed to watch television?

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Over the past few decades, there has been a profound increase in
children
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 watching
television
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. Doing
this
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 can be detrimental to the child’s
development
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 and health.
This
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 essay explains the drawbacks of watching
television
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 and agrees that
children
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 should be permitted to watch moderate amounts of
television
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. One of the main limitations of the use of
television
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 by young
children
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 is that it decreases their creativity.
This
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 is because they are constantly engaged by
programs
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such
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 as cartoons and other animated stories.
Consequently
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, they are not thinking enough, as thinking can be crucial for their cognitive
development
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.
Although
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 these
programs
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 are entertaining, they stun the brain
development
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 of young
children
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.
As a result
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, they grow up to become less creative adults. Another drawback could be that it promotes a sedentary lifestyle. An increasing number of
children
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 are less active and prefer to stay indoors and watch their favourite
TV
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programs
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.
Moreover
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, fewer
children
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 are seen playing outdoors than in the past.
This
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 can be detrimental to their physical health. For these reasons, it is clearly evident that watching
TV
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 can be disadvantageous for many young
children
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. Despite the limitations, parents or caregivers could let them watch
TV
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 for a limited number of hours a day. It is true that watching
TV
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 can be bad for several reasons
however
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, it can have a positive effect on the mental state of the child.
Additionally
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, it can help them relax, which contributes to their psychological well-being. To enhance
this
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 experience, parents can encourage
children
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 to watch educational
programs
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. These shows can fulfil the purpose of entertaining and educating
children
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.
Therefore
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, allowing
children
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 to watch
television
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 in moderate amounts can prove to be beneficial in terms of entertainment and knowledge. In conclusion, it is not reasonable to assume that
television
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 can have a negative effect on young
children
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’s physical and mental
development
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, but it can help
children
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 relax and
also
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 promote learning. In my opinion,
children
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 could watch appropriate amounts of
TV
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 which is limited by their parents or caregivers.

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task achievement
Ensure that all points made directly address the question. For example, you could add more specific examples to support the drawbacks and benefits mentioned to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is essential for readability. Make sure to divide your essay into clear paragraphs where each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the issues and your stance, which provides a good foundation for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a balanced view by discussing both negative and positive aspects of television watching for children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • violent content
  • age-appropriate
  • healthy habits
  • attention span
  • media consumption
  • parental supervision
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