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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Young people learn more about good behaviour from books or films/ movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #behaviour #books #films #movies #experiences
Immigration has always been very important in Europe.
That is
 why a lot of attention is focused on
people
 moving to different countries on the continent. Starting with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Great Britain, the highest number of
people
 living there belongs to Polish
people
. They represent around fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of descendants from the countries mentioned in the table. Spaniards, in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
turn, have the smallest diaspora in Great Britain with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
71 000 residents. Germany has approximately the same quantity of foreigners from the aforementioned countries. Italians have the largest group of descendants with more than half a million
people
 living in German cities. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
such
 a number may be the relationships that Germany and Italy established many years ago. Italy has never been a country to move to
due to
 multiple reasons, starting with the economic problems and ending with
locals'
Correct article usage
the locals'
show examples
 mentality.
However
, the Apennines have
196 000
Correct your spelling
196,000
 as a total quantity of newcomers. Poland
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 its history has always been a conservative country which does not welcome any foreigners, especially from the West Europe.
This
 explains
such
 a low number of descendants. The
last
 country is Spain. It is very popular among a wealthy vein of society, who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to spend their time aside from any drastic changes in the economic state, political situation and so on. The total amount of
861 000
Correct your spelling
861,000
 residents confirms the thought. Despite data being a decade old, it still gives a clear vision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 immigration among Europe and its states.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Ensure that all the key points are fully developed and elaborated upon. Some sections of your essay could benefit from more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly to enhance the logical flow. Transitions between some paragraphs can be smoother.
task achievement
Your essay covers a variety of specific examples and statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured logically with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported with relevant information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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