IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number and so on ) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development ?

These days, using personal
information
Use synonyms
 online is one of the most pressing problems. There are many reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue and many effects have been associated with it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 development is negative. First of all, putting personal
information
Use synonyms
 online
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 influence on the personal life. By publicizing personal
information
Use synonyms
 on the Internet, a lot of
people
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 will have access to
such
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
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 have been annoyed by bad
people
Use synonyms
 calling them days and nights. They call everyone to introduce their new products like mobile phones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
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 like to go shopping at the central mall. Sellers know customers extremely like
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a gift or a big sale, so when customers go to any store, they can see a voucher or gift. If they want to have a voucher, they meet the needs of stores by signing up their
information
Use synonyms
 at the store.
As a result
Linking Words
, sellers take the
information
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 of buyers to another store. In conclusion, there are many drawbacks to using
information
Use synonyms
 online. It is crucial to raise
people
Use synonyms
's
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about protecting their personal
information
Use synonyms
 online.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main idea in your body paragraphs. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to create a more coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structures to improve the readability and clarity of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main issue and states your position clearly.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss both the personal and broader impacts of putting personal information online, showing an understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ease of access
  • interconnected
  • communication
  • commerce
  • identity theft
  • privacy invasions
  • digitization
  • fraudulent activities
  • financial losses
  • reliance
  • digital profiles
  • social inequalities
  • cybersecurity measures
  • mitigate
  • digital convenience
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • online validation
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