many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number and so on ) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development ?
These days, using personal
information
online is one of the most pressing problems. There are many reasons for this
issue and many effects have been associated with it. Therefore
, I believe that this
development is negative.
First of all, putting personal information
online have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
negative
influence on the personal life. By publicizing personal Add an article
a negative
information
on the Internet, a lot of people
will have access to such
information
. For example
, a lot of people
have been annoyed by bad people
calling them days and nights. They call everyone to introduce their new products like mobile phones.
On the other hand
, many people
like to go shopping at the central mall. Sellers know customers extremely like have
a gift or a big sale, so when customers go to any store, they can see a voucher or gift. If they want to have a voucher, they meet the needs of stores by signing up their Wrong verb form
having
information
at the store. As a result
, sellers take the information
of buyers to another store.
In conclusion, there are many drawbacks to using information
online. It is crucial to raise people
's awarness
about protecting their personal Correct your spelling
awareness
information
online.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main idea in your body paragraphs. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to create a more coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structures to improve the readability and clarity of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main issue and states your position clearly.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss both the personal and broader impacts of putting personal information online, showing an understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite