IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons for your answers and include examples relevant to your experience.

#people #clothes #effects #answers
It is frequently believed that the number of
people
 purchasing fashionable
clothes
 is increasing annually, In
this
 essay, I'm going to compare advantages and disadvantages and include reasons for it. In terms of fashionable
clothes
,
people
 should be aware of where these
clothes
 were made, how much carbon footprint was wasted
while
 making
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and were the
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 manufactured these
dresses
 earn a fair wage, we should think of our environment before financial issues that will occur if there is no control of buying these types of
clothes
, In old days, there were only two periods in the year where
people
 buy some
clothes
, which are Christmas time and Halloween,
whereas
 nowadays clothing periods are unlimited,
this
 will result in a rise in landfilled products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
people
 are buying outfits and
dresses
 that they don't want but purchased it
due to
 the attractive price these
dresses
 are. The other side of the coin is that fashionable clothing
manufactors
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
 will result in a variety of different options for consumers, which will increase demand for it, and
this
 will improve the clothing sector and provide more job opportunities for
people
, the main reason given to support
this
 claim is the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of shopping centres in one city these days compared to recent decades,
In addition
, some fashionable outfits have an attractive financial cost compared to luxurious
clothes
. In conclusion, I believe that fashionable
dresses
 have a positive effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the government and society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
people
 will have diverse types of
clothes
,
also
 the government will receive more tax if
demand
Add an article
the demand
a demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fashion is high.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to better balance your discussion of both the positive and negative effects. Explore each side in more depth to provide a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure each paragraph clearly by using topic sentences. This will help guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structuring and punctuation to enhance readability and flow.
task response
You presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic boost
  • Fast fashion
  • Personal expression
  • Consumer culture
  • Environmental impact
  • Psychological pressure
  • Disposable income
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Materialism
  • Self-esteem
  • Short-term satisfaction
  • Repetitive purchasing
  • Stimulate the economy
  • Societal pressure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: