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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days’ children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

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Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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 there are many
thechnological
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technological
 inventions, that
are encompass
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encompass
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 us and our
children
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.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 toddlers
are use
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use
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 them better than their parents. In
this
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 essay I'll try to understand if the advantages of
such
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 status
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweight
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outweigh
it's
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its
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 disadvantages. First and
formost
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foremost
 - the advantages. The paramount of it is the accessibility of all
kind
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kinds
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 of information.
Children
Use synonyms
 have
a
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the
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 possibility to study interesting things with minimal
efforts
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effort
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. They can find
an
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apply
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unswers
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answer
answers
 to their questions
in
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on
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 platforms like Google, they can read
a books
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books
a book
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 on
a
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apply
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sites or
an
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apply
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e-books like Kindle.
Forthermore
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Furthermore
, they can have assistance with their school homework and exams from the GPT-Chat.
As well as
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 that, there are so many games which are
aimd
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aimed
said
 to
develope
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develop
 of
the
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a
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 variety of skills for all ages.
Secondly
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, today the world become smaller,
people
Correct word choice
and people
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didn't
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don't
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 have to
stay
Verb problem
spend
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 all their lives in the motherland. They are travelling,
setteling
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settling
 in
the
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apply
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different countries. So
a
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apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
which
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who
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 have been moved to
other country
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another country
other countries
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, have an opportunity to connect to their relatives
due to
Linking Words
the
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apply
show examples
apps like Zoom, WhatsApp etc. Today the situation from the movie "At
home alone
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Home Alone
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" wouldn't have taken place. The main character of the film would have called
to
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apply
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his mom
due to
Linking Words
 the internet, and his family would have been back home.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 we have several disadvantages of
such
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 technology development. The first of them, in my opinion, is the lack of face-to-face communication.
Children
Use synonyms
 have forgotten about vigorous games outside, they are playing with their friends
due to
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 the internet without getting up from their sofa. The second disadvantage, that has
the
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a
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 strong connection with the first one is the lack of
phisical
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physical
 training and non-healthy
died
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deaths
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.
The obesity
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Obesity
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of
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in
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a
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apply
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children
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 the
epidemy
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epidemic
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 of the
21
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21st
 century.
Moreover
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, there is now a new
psyhiatric
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psychiatric
 diagnosis of game addiction. In
the
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apply
show examples
conclusion, I can say that because of the variety of advantages and
tough
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apply
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disadvantages
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disadvantages,
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 we have to be flexible, and
to
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apply
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find the golden balance between technology,
live
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apply
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communication and
healthy
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a healthy
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life-style
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lifestyle
show examples
.

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grammar
Work on improving spelling and grammar to enhance readability. For instance, 'thechnological' should be 'technological', and 'answers' is misspelled as 'unswers'.
depth of argument
Clarify and expand on how the advantages and disadvantages you mention specifically impact children's development. This will add depth to your argument.
cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow of ideas. Phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'Secondly' can be better utilized to link ideas logically.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are clear and frame the essay well. The objective of weighing the advantages and disadvantages is clearly presented.
examples
Good use of specific examples, like mentioning Google and Kindle for educational resources and Zoom and WhatsApp for maintaining family connections.
engagement
You've brought in relevant comparisons and hypothetical scenarios, such as referencing 'Home Alone'. This makes the essay more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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