IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many historical sites and museums are mainly visited by tourists and nit local people. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to attract more locals to those sites?

#sites #museums #tourists #nit #people #locals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is frequently believed that artefactual
sites
 and museums are mostly visited by tourists and locals, In
this
 essay, I'm going to give the main reasons for the high demand for historical
sites
. In terms of reasons, I suppose the main reason for the high demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these places is that people are interested in knowing the history and how wealthy the country was in the past, the main reason given to support
this
 claim is the number of artifactual places in Paris,
due to
 that, France is the most visited place in the world with approximately 50 million,
In addition
 , tourists mostly want to learn useful facts about the area they're going to.
On the other hand
, in order to
attracts
Change the verb
attract
show examples
 more visitors, the
Capitalize word
Department
show examples
department
Capitalize word
Department
show examples
 of
Capitalize word
Tourism
show examples
tourism
Capitalize word
Tourism
show examples
 should set up affordable prices for these
sites
 to bring more people and increase revenue,
also
 there should be a sort of advertising for these areas to
let
Verb problem
make
show examples
 tourists aware of it,
this
 method will result in an increase in the number of visitors to
sites
 In conclusion, tourism plays an essential role in the economy,
therefore
 the government should improve and develop their historical
sites
 in order to bring more people to these places.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate the introduction and main body paragraphs. This will help in presenting your ideas more logically.
task achievement
Include more specific details and examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing how inexpensive pricing can attract more visitors, provide concrete examples or studies that support this idea.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of the topic.
task achievement
You've provided a complete response to the task, discussing both the reasons why tourists visit more than locals and suggesting potential solutions to attract more local visitors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: