IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 word

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers #🔸discuss #word
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Some become successful
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their
money
Use synonyms
 and some by their skills. Some people say that only those people are successful who earn a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 and other
opposition
Replace the word
opponents
show examples
 say that
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 as part of
society
Use synonyms
 like, scientists,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
,
navy
Correct word choice
and navy
show examples
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 are the most successful. I believe that both are successful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their position. Whatever you earn, would be always less.
Money
Use synonyms
 can buy everything, including
famination
Correct your spelling
family
, good
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, luxurious items
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more and that's why people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been running to earn more and more. Because of high income,
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 respect from the family and
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
 invited by the
society
Use synonyms
 to attend the function as a chief guest which
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 them faminations.
For Instance
Linking Words
, Mukesh
ambani
Change the capitalization
Ambani
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 businessman and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has always been invited by the government to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
events. Because he earning a lot, he has been called by
federal
Correct article usage
the federal
show examples
 to attend the functions. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, some works
are
Change the verb form
are also considered
show examples
also
Linking Words
 consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
successful
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, army
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 or scientists. Teacher plays a vital role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and they are the
back bone
Correct your spelling
backbone
show examples
 of successful
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Because of good education among children,
society
Use synonyms
 has been successful and their contributions are
much
Rephrase
as
show examples
 important as
money
Use synonyms
. Scientists who research and give something to the nation.
For example
Linking Words
, a famous scientist named Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam
who he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had not taken any
money
Use synonyms
 from
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 during his entire life and had found
rocket
Correct article usage
a rocket
show examples
 for the country. Today his name has been
recalling
Wrong verb form
recalled
show examples
 by the country which
is show
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that he was successful because of his skill not
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I would say that both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of
poople
Correct your spelling
people
 are
sucsessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 as one
person
Use synonyms
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
show examples
 a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 something back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
also
Linking Words
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their skills which foster the future generation.
Submitted by ap064911 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the sentences flow logically. This will help in improving the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking phrases (e.g., 'however,' 'on the other hand,' 'moreover') to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more developed and specific examples to support the points made. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. Make explicit comparisons between the two views in your discussion to highlight a balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which anchors the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both views, following the task prompt.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples (e.g., Mukesh Ambani, Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam) used to support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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