Many teenagers have their own smartphones. discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion

#teenagers #smartphones

Nowadays

children

have their private

smartphones

although

smartphones

allow parents to track their

children

for

safety

, I believe that it affects the teenager's

health

condition. The main advantage for

children

to have their iPhones is their

safety

. Their parents can install a GPS tracking app on their phones which allows them to track their

children

for their

safety

and know their accurate location,

this

GPS tracking app will save teenagers from kidnapping and losing their home location.

For instance

, in 2022 Amal's parents were able to find her after being lost in the city when she got out of school by her iPhone signal which was sent to her father's phone. Despite

this

, I believe

smartphones

affect the communication skills of

children

On the other hand

, Owning

smartphones

could lead to

health

diseases

such

as diabetes and obesity.

Children

are able to download games on their phones and these games take a lot of their time and prevent them from exercising and going out for a walk, and that will result in very bad

health

for them.

For example

, In 2018 Fakeeh Hospital reported that 60% of

children

with age between 10 to 15 years old are suffering from diabetes because of poor sports habits. I believe that

smartphones

are dangerous for teenagers and should be used for a limited time. In conclusion,

although

smartphones

could increase teenager's

safety

by tracking them with GPS,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

cause

health

diseases if they use them for a long time.

Submitted by dr.omar-2010 on Thu Jun 27 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific reasons or examples to support your opinion about health impacts.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Make sure to elaborate more on the counterarguments to show a balanced view before giving your opinion.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

You have included relevant examples to support your points, such as the tracking app and health statistics.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

246 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many teenagers have their own smartphones. discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some people thi it that people can be encouraged to live healthy lives through sporting events such as Olympics and World cups. Others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?