Many teenagers have their own smartphones. discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion

Nowadays
children
have their private
smartphones
.
although
smartphones
allow parents to track their
children
for
safety
, I believe that it affects the teenager's
health
condition. The main advantage for
children
to have their iPhones is their
safety
. Their parents can install a GPS tracking app on their phones which allows them to track their
children
for their
safety
and know their accurate location,
this
GPS tracking app will save teenagers from kidnapping and losing their home location.
For instance
, in 2022 Amal's parents were able to find her after being lost in the city when she got out of school by her iPhone signal which was sent to her father's phone. Despite
this
, I believe
smartphones
affect the communication skills of
children
.
On the other hand
, Owning
smartphones
could lead to
health
diseases
such
as diabetes and obesity.
Children
are able to download games on their phones and these games take a lot of their time and prevent them from exercising and going out for a walk, and that will result in very bad
health
for them.
For example
, In 2018 Fakeeh Hospital reported that 60% of
children
with age between 10 to 15 years old are suffering from diabetes because of poor sports habits. I believe that
smartphones
are dangerous for teenagers and should be used for a limited time. In conclusion,
although
smartphones
could increase teenager's
safety
by tracking them with GPS,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
cause
health
diseases if they use them for a long time.
Submitted by dr.omar-2010 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific reasons or examples to support your opinion about health impacts.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on the counterarguments to show a balanced view before giving your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, such as the tracking app and health statistics.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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