Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that development in
technology
helps in decreasing the crime rate
, while
others think it would increase. In my opinion, technology
is helping in committing more crimes
such
as cyber-crimes
, identity theft and fraud. In this
essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and support my opinion.
On one hand, technology
advancement would reduce the Replace the word
technological
rate
of crimes
due to
implementing modern security systems at homes and companies, such
as advanced surveillance cameras and more secured
saves. Many houses, corporations and institutions, nowadays, are secured with advanced security systems and Replace the word
secure
alarm
when anyone tries to break in, Fix the agreement mistake
alarms
consequently
, would decrease the burglary rate
. Moreover
, using advanced equipment in forensic
, Replace the word
forensics
for example
, DNA analysis would accelerate Correct article usage
the detecting
detecting
Replace the word
detection
criminals
in murders and other Change preposition
of criminals
crimes
which might deter them from committing more crimes
.
On the other hand
, the development in technology
would encourage crimes
as the
criminals can use it to commit Correct article usage
apply
crimes
more easily. Recently, Correct article usage
the cyber-crimes
cyber-
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
crimes
rate
has elevated, for instance
, hacking and stealing important data from people and institutions' computers. Additionally
, using fake identities to deceive others, to raise money, and to commit frauds. Furthermore
, technology
implementation in military weapons would increase massive destruction and surge the rate
of killing when used in wars.
In conclusion, technology
advancement has its advantages in controlling more Replace the word
technological
crimes
, however
, it also
enhance
different kinds of cyber-Change the verb form
enhances
crimes
. I believe that the hazards of technology
outweigh its benefits in crime control.Submitted by Lilly
on
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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question comprehensively. While you touched on both views and provided a clear opinion, elaborating more on each point will strengthen your response.
task achievement
Some of the examples provided are not very specific. Try to give more detailed and precise examples to support your main points further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas within paragraphs are connected with appropriate transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow by ensuring each argument follows logically from the one before it. This will help in making your essay more cohesive overall.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a well-defined conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's main argument.
task achievement
The writer has successfully presented both views and provided a personal opinion, as required by the task.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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