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The graph shows information about the
percentage
 of
teachers
 who had teaching jobs in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. Between 2001 and 2002, both English-language
teachers
 and French-language
teachers
decressing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
depressing
dressing
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2002
while
teachers
 who taught French were increasing, by about 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, English-language
teachers
 were diminishing by nearly 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 like other
teachers
. In 2003
although
 both
percentage
Change to a plural noun
percentages
show examples
 of
teachers
 had an increasing
slope
, their percentages were vary( varied). To be more specific, the
percentage
 of
teachers
 in
French
Change the article
the French
show examples
 language rose from 68
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 as the
percentage
 of
teachers
 in
English-language
Correct your spelling
English language
show examples
 progressed from 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 43
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. From 2005 to 2006 both of them had decreased
slope
,
however
, the
slope
 of English- language
teachers
 which were from 40
percent
 to 30
percent
 more than English -language
teachers
 which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 70
percent
 to 68
percent
. In 2006, we can see the same
slope
 but opposite of each other,
while
 the French language job increased other groups
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreasing
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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introduction conclusion presence
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Clearly stating the topic at the beginning and summarizing the main points at the end will improve the structure and coherence.
logical structure
Work on making the transitions between your ideas smoother. This will help your essay to flow better and will improve coherence and cohesion. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to avoid repetition and redundancy in your writing. Focus on varying your sentence structures and using advanced grammar to showcase your language proficiency.
supported main points
You have included relevant data from the graph to support your points, which demonstrates your ability to task achievement effectively.
logical structure
The overall structure of your essay shows an attempt to organize information logically, which is a good practice for achieving coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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