Some people think that children should learn to paint and draw. Others believe that is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is a great deal of debate on whether arts is beneficial to the young generation.

While

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some people think it is not efficient, in my

opinion

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opinion,

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it is essential for the development of motor

skills

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needed for academic

activties

Correct your spelling

activities

as well as

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supports their mental state. On the one hand, it is in the

believe

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belief

show examples

of many that children should not waste their time on areas that are non-academic. The reason behind

this

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is because of how crucial it is for a student to pay full attention to their academic studies. An example of

this

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could be seen in some schools in Germany that only teach subjects related to science.

This

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is done to help the

child

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focus

merley

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on scientific studies without any extra distractions.

Therefore

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reaching their fullest potential to succeed in

thier

Correct your spelling

their

education, making it possible to achieve scholarships into high-standard universities.

By contrast

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, others support the significant importance of teaching a

child

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how to paint and draw as it helps develop their motor

skills

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and improve their mental state of mind. It is

widely-known

Correct your spelling

widely known

show examples

that drawing fosters the

skills

Use synonyms

needed in education.

For instance

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, learning how to draw can directly help in academic courses

such

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as maths, physics,and technology.

Additionally

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, critics argue that drawing and painting significantly have a positive impact on

mental

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the mental

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health of a

child

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This

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means it helps the

child

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destress from the

anexity

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anxiety

and pressure that stems from hard subjects.

Therefore

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, it is paramount to include subjects that would help teach a

child

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to relax

such

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as arts. In conclusion,

although

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some individuals believe it is

benefical

Correct your spelling

beneficial

to focus on only academic

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

as it is more efficient

Change preposition

for

show examples

their education,

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

seems to be more reasonable that the benefits

such

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as improving a

childs

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child's

show examples

motor

skills

Use synonyms

and mental health outweigh the negatives that may rise from those that unlikely to learn how to paint and draw.

sara.elkhansaThu Jun 27 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed the prompt by discussing both views and giving your opinion, which is great. However, your essay could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Consider incorporating detailed examples to illustrate your points better.

task achievement

Ensure your ideas are consistently clear and easy to follow. A few sentences were slightly complicated or awkwardly phrased. Simplifying these would enhance readability and clarity.

coherence cohesion

There is some repetition in your key points. Try to add more variety in your arguments to give a comprehensive view.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, make sure to proofread your work to correct any typographical errors and ensure smooth transition between ideas.

logical structure

Introduction and conclusion are present and articulated well, which frames your essay effectively.

complete response

You have discussed both views as required by the prompt and provided your own opinion, achieving a complete response to the task.

relevant specific examples

You have made a relevant point about the impact of arts on motor skills and mental health, which directly addresses the prompt and supports your argument.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fine motor skills
creative activities
imaginative thinking
practical skills
academic activities
broad range of activities
latent talents
holistic development
mandatory arts education
innovative thinking
education
curriculum
inherent interest
well-rounded education
disengagement
resentment
introducing children
beneficial
fields beyond the arts
latent talents and interests

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Some people think that children should learn to paint and draw. Others believe that is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The only reason why people work hard is to earn money and there is no other reason for doing so. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

Air transport is increasingly used to export fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of changing people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Please elaborate on your current physical and mental health, including any dental or oral treatment, medical interventions, and mental health therapy or counseling.