Some people think that children should learn to paint and draw. Others believe that is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a great deal of debate on whether arts is beneficial to the young generation.
While
some people think it is not efficient, in my opinion
it is essential for the development of motor Add the comma(s)
opinion,
skills
needed for academic activties
Correct your spelling
activities
as well as
supports their mental state.
On the one hand, it is in the believe
of many that children should not waste their time on areas that are non-academic. The reason behind Replace the word
belief
this
is because of how crucial it is for a student to pay full attention to their academic studies. An example of this
could be seen in some schools in Germany that only teach subjects related to science. This
is done to help the child
focus merley
on scientific studies without any extra distractions. Correct your spelling
more
Therefore
reaching their fullest potential to succeed in thier
education, making it possible to achieve scholarships into high-standard universities.
Correct your spelling
their
By contrast
, others support the significant importance of teaching a child
how to paint and draw as it helps develop their motor skills
and improve their mental state of mind. It is widely-known
that drawing fosters the Correct your spelling
widely known
skills
needed in education. For instance
, learning how to draw can directly help in academic courses such
as maths, physics,and technology. Additionally
, critics argue that drawing and painting significantly have a positive impact on mental
health of a Add an article
the mental
child
. This
means it helps the child
destress from the anexity
and pressure that stems from hard subjects. Correct your spelling
anxiety
Therefore
, it is paramount to include subjects that would help teach a child
to relax such
as arts.
In conclusion, although
some individuals believe it is benefical
to focus on only academic Correct your spelling
beneficial
subject
as it is more efficient Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
to
their education, Change preposition
for
I
seems to be more reasonable that the benefits Correct pronoun usage
it
such
as improving a childs
motor Change to a genitive case
child's
skills
and mental health outweigh the negatives that may rise from those that unlikely to learn how to paint and draw.Submitted by sara.elkhansa on
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task achievement
You have addressed the prompt by discussing both views and giving your opinion, which is great. However, your essay could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Consider incorporating detailed examples to illustrate your points better.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are consistently clear and easy to follow. A few sentences were slightly complicated or awkwardly phrased. Simplifying these would enhance readability and clarity.
coherence cohesion
There is some repetition in your key points. Try to add more variety in your arguments to give a comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, make sure to proofread your work to correct any typographical errors and ensure smooth transition between ideas.
logical structure
Introduction and conclusion are present and articulated well, which frames your essay effectively.
complete response
You have discussed both views as required by the prompt and provided your own opinion, achieving a complete response to the task.
relevant specific examples
You have made a relevant point about the impact of arts on motor skills and mental health, which directly addresses the prompt and supports your argument.