IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, hoever, think that others types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#government #progress #people #hoever #country
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It has been said that the government believes that
progress
 equals success in the
economy
 of a
country
.
Nonetheless
, others support the idea that a developed
country
 requires more than a monetary investment.
In addition
, it should be given the same priority to them as the
economy
.
While
 both sides are going to be discussed in the following essay, I strongly believe that having
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 stability indeed could lead you to
progress
.
Nervertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
,
this
 may not be the only resource to
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 because other sectors,
such
 as health and education, might have the same importance to reach a full development
country
. On one hand, it is
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 that money equals power,
however
,
this
 needs to be managed in the correct way to lead to progression.
Furthermore
, one of the
countries
 with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 lifestyle is Luxemburg, which is known to have a brilliant
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 system that can confirm the given statement. As an example, despite the fact
that is
 one of the
countries
 with the highest
tax-rates
Correct your spelling
tax rates
show examples
, these are been used to improve not only the free education system,
additionally
Correct word choice
but additionally
show examples
 to give health attention to those who
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 it in an effective way. The latter
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 the fact that the money of the
country
 needs to be
usen
Correct your spelling
used
 wisely to reach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress
, and
this
 includes
to give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 the same importance to other sectors.
On the other hand
,
progress
 is going to be
meausred
Correct your spelling
measured
different
Change the word
differently
show examples
 depending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
country
.
While
 there are some
countries
 that
are lacking of
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 monetary resources, they are rich in others
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them
independet
Correct your spelling
independent
 and sustainable. A clear example of
this
,
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the islands located next to New Zealand that are nearly self-efficient because of the
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 resources that they have, which positions the money in the least important aspect
due to
 the lack of
neccessity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 to import from other
countries
.
Moreover
, is important to highlight that these are unique exceptions and could not be
generalize
Wrong verb form
generalised
show examples
 that every
country
 can have it.
To sum up
, is more likely to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
progession
Correct your spelling
progress
 in the
country
 if the
economy
 is prioritised
although
, to maintain
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 success
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it should be taken as a prior other
sectors
Correct the article-noun agreement
sector
show examples
 apart from the
economical
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. If more fields are taken
Change preposition
into underconsideration
show examples
underconsideration
Correct your spelling
consideration
,
this
 might lead to a more balanced and developed nation.
Submitted by amrp17 on

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task achievement
Try to paraphrase the essay prompt in the introduction more effectively, as it shows comprehension and helps set the tone for your own ideas.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and spelling. Errors like 'well-know' instead of 'well-known' and 'meausred' instead of 'measured' can be distracting.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to make the essay flow more smoothly. Use connecting words and phrases to indicate relationships between ideas, such as 'In contrast,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Therefore.'
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on economic progress versus other types of progress, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like Luxembourg and New Zealand islands adds relevance and support to your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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