Both governments and individuals are spending vast amount of money on protecting animals and their habitat. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree?
Animals
are important creatures on earth. Whether or not significant
amount of money should be spent by governing bodies and individuals on Add an article
a significant
animals
and their places of shelter has become a subject of interest. It is being suggested that such
funds could be channelled to solving
societal problems Wrong verb form
solve
such
as poverty and healthcare issues. I completely agree with this
.
On the one
hand, human lives matter as we are interdependent on one
another. This
is so because man cannot live as
an island. In view of Change preposition
on
this
, it is important to support and help others as human existence is key to our living. Therefore
, capable persons and leaders of a nation should focus on projects that will make people comfortable. Hence
spending on the poor and improving healthcare should be paramount in every society. The returns from such
spending is
healthy citizens who will work to generate Change the verb form
are
monies
for the nation. Correct your spelling
money
Also
, rich individuals may require the services of poor people in society in one
way or the other such
as they
performing menial jobs. From these, it cannot be overemphasized why spending on Correct pronoun usage
apply
human related
issues should be more important than others.
Add a hyphen
human-related
On the other hand
, human existence is not complete without animals
. They offer several beneficial purposes in the life of mankind such
as sources of protein, clothing and friends. Protein is one
of the essential components of balanced
diet and without Correct article usage
a balanced
animals
, only few
plants can substitute Change the article
a few
this
role. Also
, the varied clothes we were
mostly are obtained from the skin of some Correct your spelling
wear
animals
. Domestic animals
are kept as pets
for people. To elaborate this
, the New York Change preposition
on this
times
reported close to 40% of persons without Capitalize word
Times
pets
died of depression during the covid 19 period whereas
some owners of pets
claimed they found solace and joy in their pets
in those times. This
goes to say animals
play a role which cannot be replaced by humans. Therefore
, I can understand why spending on animals
is also
important. However
, I stand by the fact that man should focus on solving human related
issues than Add a hyphen
human-related
animals
.
In conclusion, using money on significant life problems like poverty and healthcare should always be chosen over spending on animals
.Submitted by nmaureen03 on
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Task Achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task and provides a complete response to the topic. However, providing a few more specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific healthcare initiatives or programs that could benefit from increased funding would add depth to your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is good, but there are areas where transitions between ideas can be smoother. Consider using more linking phrases to make the progression of your argument more seamless. For example, transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'Moreover' can enhance the cohesion of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a strong logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear stance on the topic and maintained your viewpoint consistently throughout the essay. This makes your argument persuasive and easy to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported and coherent. Each paragraph maintains a single main idea, which helps in effectively communicating your argument.