IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people think that it is the best to save money, for exemple in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach on opinion on this debate

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At present, the bill continues to be a controversial topic, most individuals firmly believe that cash is saved via a bank or institution of capital,
however
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, others feel capital ought to be spent if it is available. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss now. Arguably, there could be reasons why cash is spent on relaxation or enjoyment.
Initially
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, many people are so keen on shopping or taking holidays
as a result
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 they desire to allocate checks for the purpose of their demand and there is certainly some truth in
this
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. Withnotstanding poor activity of inhabitants, mostly they expend checks
instead
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 of saving, in order to their family live temporarily relax because they once come to activity. Owing to food, housing, and transport, they do not save pay by which I mean that there are numerous expenditures in people’s lives. Alternatively spending pay on products and services boosts the economy and creates employment, and
this
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 action yields a lot of advantages. Foremost among other challenges appears to be more issues of world condition.
This
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 point is
first,
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if people save property through a bank or savings scheme, they will earn payment I mean they can obtain discounts from the bank because their pay yields plus cash.
Furthermore
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, individuals, who emphasise the need to accumulate wealth during one’s lifetime, so that one’s children inherit pay or property which will increase their security and standard of living.
Due to
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 catastrophic growth, they may quit their job and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
utilize the money for activity purposes
such
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 as food or studying for their youngsters,
for instance
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, in the USA, the government legislated laws in regard to saving property for its folk,
hence
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 inhabitants of the USA are rich. In a nutshell, I tend to completely agree that it is wiser to save salary wherever possible, for reasons which benefit both individuals today and future generations.

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General
Your essay presents a well-detailed exploration of the topic, effectively covering both sides of the debate. To enhance it even further, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures and paying attention to minor typographical errors for clarity.
Task Achievement
While your use of examples is good, adding more specific real-world instances could provide stronger support for your arguments. This would enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your logical structuring of the essay is commendable. To elevate your essay, make transitions between paragraphs smoother by using linking phrases that guide the reader through your argumentation.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encompass the main viewpoints and your personal stance, showcasing a complete understanding of the task.
Comprehensive Ideas
You have done a great job of discussing both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view before stating your own opinion. This demonstrates strong comprehension and coverage of the topic.
Logical Structure
Your arguments are well-supported, and the essay maintains a logical progression, making it easy for readers to follow your line of thought.
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