More people are now behaving more violently in society than before. Can this behaviour be prevented? Discuss the causes and reasons for this trend. Provide examples to support your opinion.
These days, a
notably
change can be seen vividly in Change the adverb
notable
people
's behavior
. They are becoming more aggressive towards Change the spelling
behaviour
Society
than ever. This
essay will discuss the factors what
should be blamed for Correct word choice
that
this
arising issue,
and will suggest Remove the comma
apply
appropriate
phase to eliminate Correct article usage
an appropriate
this
behavior
.
When it comes to the causes of bad behavior
in Change the spelling
behaviour
society
, the first and foremost reason is media
influence which showing
heavy violence and cruel content all the time for getting viewership. Wrong verb form
shows
As a result
, many individuals especially youngsters imitate action
and Fix the agreement mistake
actions
behavior
from movies and apply the same in real life. Apart from
this
, a large section of society
fails to maintain work-life
balance, resulting Correct article usage
a work-life
many
Change preposition
in many
people
have become
Wrong verb form
becoming
short tempered
. Constant involvement in the work and giving less time to social activities drop their patience tolerance gradually. Add a hyphen
short-tempered
Therefore
, folks are behaving violently in society
. For example
, according to
the New York time
report, 75% portion of Fix the agreement mistake
Times
people
is involves
in different Change the verb form
is involved
sort
of conflicts with their colleagues and Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
society
due to
unsatisfactory job conditions.
When it comes to the prevention of the given problem, I believe, the first possible course of action that the government may take is to categorized
the genre of Wrong verb form
categorise
media
, also
authorities out to eliminate aggressive and violent content that may foster wrongful behavior
in Change the spelling
behaviour
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
because media
broadcast should be in control in order to curb this
dilemma. Furthermore
, the companies should conduct training sessions through people
can learn techniques to maintain Correct pronoun usage
which people
balance
between professional and personal life. Add an article
a balance
the balance
Moreover
, they may offer short breaks and another
job benefits Correct quantifier usage
other
such
as which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
increment
and bonuses, which might provide employees Fix the agreement mistake
increments
job
satisfaction. Change preposition
with job
For example
, a local businessman in my town encourage
their workers to participate in self-awareness lectures and Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
balancing
professional and personal life as he said these are Wrong verb form
balance
two
best ways to deter Correct article usage
the two
the
violent activity in the locality.
In conclusion, there is no denying the fact that misbehaving activities are increasing day by day among Correct article usage
apply
the
societies. As mentioned, aggressive Correct article usage
apply
media
content and unsatisfactory work are the main cause
of Fix the agreement mistake
causes
this
issue. However
, a
proper steps Correct article usage
apply
needs
to be considered to eliminate Correct subject-verb agreement
need
such
behavior
from society
.Submitted by rajwants.1997 on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and covers key aspects, some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing impact readability. Improving sentence structure can enhance clarity. For instance, instead of 'the factors what should be blamed,' use 'the factors that should be blamed.'
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smooth transitions between points. Phrases like 'apart from this' and 'furthermore' are good, but the flow can be smoother with more variety in linking phrases.
task achievement
In the prevention section, providing concrete examples or further elaboration on suggestions would strengthen the argument. For example, explaining how media regulation can be effectively implemented will make your suggestions more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which adequately frame the discussion on violent behavior in society.
task achievement
The main points are supported by relevant examples, which illustrate the causes and prevention measures effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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