More people are now behaving more violently in society than before. Can this behaviour be prevented? Discuss the causes and reasons for this trend. Provide examples to support your opinion.

These days, a
notably
Change the adverb
notable
show examples
change can be seen vividly in
people
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. They are becoming more aggressive towards
Society
than ever.
This
essay will discuss the factors
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
should be blamed for
this
arising issue
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and will suggest
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
show examples
phase to eliminate
this
behavior
. When it comes to the causes of bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in
society
, the first and foremost reason is
media
influence which
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
heavy violence and cruel content all the time for getting viewership.
As a result
, many individuals especially youngsters imitate
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
and
behavior
from movies and apply the same in real life.
Apart from
this
, a large section of
society
fails to maintain
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance, resulting
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
people
have become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
short tempered
Add a hyphen
short-tempered
show examples
. Constant involvement in the work and giving less time to social activities drop their patience tolerance gradually.
Therefore
, folks are behaving violently in
society
.
For example
,
according to
the New York
time
Fix the agreement mistake
Times
show examples
report, 75% portion of
people
is involves
Change the verb form
is involved
show examples
in different
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
of conflicts with their colleagues and
society
due to
unsatisfactory job conditions. When it comes to the prevention of the given problem, I believe, the first possible course of action that the government may take is to
categorized
Wrong verb form
categorise
show examples
the genre of
media
,
also
authorities out to eliminate aggressive and violent content that may foster wrongful
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
because
media
broadcast should be in control in order to curb
this
dilemma.
Furthermore
, the companies should conduct training sessions through
people
Correct pronoun usage
which people
show examples
can learn techniques to maintain
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
between professional and personal life.
Moreover
, they may offer short breaks and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
job benefits
such
as
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increment
Fix the agreement mistake
increments
show examples
and bonuses, which might provide employees
job
Change preposition
with job
show examples
satisfaction.
For example
, a local businessman in my town
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
their workers to participate in self-awareness lectures and
balancing
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
professional and personal life as he said these are
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
best ways to deter
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violent activity in the locality. In conclusion, there is no denying the fact that misbehaving activities are increasing day by day among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies. As mentioned, aggressive
media
content and unsatisfactory work are the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
of
this
issue.
However
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper steps
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
to be considered to eliminate
such
behavior
from
society
.
Submitted by rajwants.1997 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and covers key aspects, some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing impact readability. Improving sentence structure can enhance clarity. For instance, instead of 'the factors what should be blamed,' use 'the factors that should be blamed.'
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smooth transitions between points. Phrases like 'apart from this' and 'furthermore' are good, but the flow can be smoother with more variety in linking phrases.
task achievement
In the prevention section, providing concrete examples or further elaboration on suggestions would strengthen the argument. For example, explaining how media regulation can be effectively implemented will make your suggestions more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which adequately frame the discussion on violent behavior in society.
task achievement
The main points are supported by relevant examples, which illustrate the causes and prevention measures effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • violent behavior
  • society
  • prevention
  • causes
  • trend
  • exposure to violence
  • media
  • positive role models
  • psychological issues
  • socioeconomic factors
  • proper education
  • values
  • peer pressure
  • neglectful parenting
  • substance abuse
  • social support
  • community cohesion
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