IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Saving
money
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 is a crucial aspect of financial planning that contributes significantly to personal stability and long-term security.
However
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, there is a bad side to budgeting
money
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 for youngsters. It is highly essential for
people
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 to keep track of their spending
money
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 and try to save it for the future. To commence with,
people
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, especially youngsters, have to be more careful with
money
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 in order to enhance their standards of living
subsequently
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. To clarify, if individuals save their
money
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 in their bank
account
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accounts
show examples
, they will have more chances to supply facilities and welfare,
such
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 as decent housing and luxury cars for their families in succession.
In other words
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, the less they indulge in spending, the more they can provide facilities in the future.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can invest their
money
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 in reliable stock companies in order to achieve a vast sum of
money
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 later. To specify, every person can make their little amount of
money
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 grow significantly by investing rather than spending
money
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 extravagantly.
On the other hand
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, youngsters have to enjoy their lives because when they grow older, they will probably have neither time nor energy to make the most of their
money
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.
For instance
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, despite saving sufficient
money
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, they assumedly do not have the chance to enjoy in travels.
This
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 is because they should look after their children or they may develop some diseases as they grow older and cannot be as energetic and vibrant.
However
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,
people
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 can easily manage and tackle these issues by having enough
money
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. In conclusion, saving
money
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 is helpful for
people
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, they can take advantage of several facilities and welfare.
Hence
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, I am firmly convinced that saving
money
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 plays a pivotal role in every individual’s life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using connective phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'On the contrary,' and 'In addition' can help maintain the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Make sure that the examples provided are detailed and directly tied to the points being made. This helps in further solidifying the arguments presented. For instance, a more detailed example of a successful investment by a young person would be beneficial.
Task Achievement
To elevate your task response, provide more comprehensive reasoning to back your stance. Adding a few more sentences to explain why saving is more beneficial in the long term despite not living lavishly while young can strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and the two sides of the argument, laying a good foundation for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion nicely wraps up the points discussed and reinforces the writer's position on the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay contains relevant and meaningful ideas, showing an understanding of the importance of financial planning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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