IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more citizens depending on private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

In our contemporary era ,it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
necessity
Add an article
a necessity
show examples
 for families to have at least one private car,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the fact that we more and more rely on vehicles has its own drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as progressive contamination of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on
Change noun form
people’s
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peoples’
Correct your spelling
people's
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 way of living Despite the fact that the advent of
four ,wheeled
Correct your spelling
four-wheeled
 transport which happened nearly 150 years ago was
breakthrough
Correct article usage
a breakthrough
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 for that period of time
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 we’ve
got
Verb problem
become
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 addicted to luxuries and
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
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 doesn’t play in our hands.
For example
Linking Words
 , in Shymkent , OKMPU
university
Capitalize word
University
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 has conducted
survey
Add an article
a survey
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 that justified that
people
Use synonyms
 who have cars spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
39% less time on any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
,and that in turn leads to the problems with cardiovascular system and back aches. As
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof
Add a comma
proof,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who were in the category of those who possessed means of transport , have confessed that they feel anxious and rueful cause of their health issues which occurred
due to
Linking Words
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle. The
last
Linking Words
 and arguably more evident issue is environmental disasters . Enormous numbers of cars
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 a reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 air contamination in several countries ,on
this
Linking Words
 basis quantity of newborn children with oncological diseases
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
raised
Verb problem
risen
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indian researchers have examined newborn children whose parents resided in
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 with hazardous air
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and they found that
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
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 of cancer diseases overweigh in
this
Linking Words
 category of
people
Use synonyms
. To counter these destructive problems ,government
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
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 must provide healthy living in mass media by organising marathons and producing
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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where
Correct word choice
that
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 will
be introduced
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
 and
announced
Wrong verb form
announce
show examples
 these problems.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Moscow
Add a comma
Moscow,
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 a group of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 influencers organised
Correct article usage
a sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 competition which was focused on struggling with obesity. In
this
Linking Words
 competition 400
people
Use synonyms
took
Verb problem
apply
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participation
Replace the word
participated
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 and
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 challenge competitors admitted that during the process of
preparation
Add a comma
preparation,
show examples
 they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
observed positive changes in their bodies.With
this
Linking Words
 approach
Add a comma
,
show examples
the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 suffering because of drawbacks of car over-usage could be significantly reduced In conclusion the drivers of means of transport today encounter noticeable
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance ,but series troubles for them and
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 offspring.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with combined efforts of government and prominent
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it’s possible to address
this
Linking Words
 issue and cultivate
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
a healthy
show examples
 nation

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, and link ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Work on grammar and punctuation to make your writing easier to follow. Pay attention to comma use and sentence fragments.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided, making them more detailed and directly tied to your main points.
task achievement
The essay tackles a relevant issue comprehensively, addressing multiple aspects of car overreliance.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as surveys and studies, are used to support main points, which helps to illustrate the issues discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overreliance
  • environmental pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • traffic congestion
  • commuters
  • urban sprawl
  • public health issues
  • obesity
  • respiratory ailments
  • resource depletion
  • fossil fuels
  • environmental degradation
What to do next:
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