In many countries people are now living longer than over before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benifits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
All over the world, the
elderly
Correct quantifier usage
number of elderly
people
each increase then
the birth rate in
Change preposition
apply
decline
. Fix the agreement mistake
declines
Although
there are several advantages of in my opinion the elderly people
each increase creates problems for governments then
there are benifits
. Correct your spelling
benefits
Of
Change preposition
In
society
it can have some disadvantages as well. I would argue that Add a comma
society,
positive
sides of Correct article usage
the positive
this
can outweigh the negatives.
One
the other hand, there are several Correct your spelling
On
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
of
the Change preposition
for
children
of advice and young people
of
set the bar. The first merit of it is considered to be that I Change preposition
to
helps
Change the verb form
help
yuong
Correct your spelling
young
people
to become citizens. For instance
, adults can look after young children
that
is
if the Change the verb form
are
childrens
parents have Change to a genitive case
children's
nesearry
work, they can leave it to their elderly grandparents or Correct your spelling
nearly
grandmathers
. Another positive aspect is thought to be that Correct your spelling
grandmothers
grandmother
be
Verb problem
apply
children
of useful advise
. Replace the word
advice
That is
because the old people
lived long and lived the low heighs
of life they give proper advice to the Correct your spelling
heights
height
children
and start them on the right path.
One
the other hand, despite Correct your spelling
On
mentioned
positives the elderly can live long after retirement. One of the major disadvantages of it is that as the elderly get older, various problems Correct article usage
the mentioned
aris
in their health causing financial damage to family members. Correct your spelling
arise
For example
, according to
statistics elderly people
can live for another 30 years after retirement and they can also
work in lighter jobs and as a
result
there is a problem with the lack of jobs for young Add a comma
result,
people
.
In conclusion, the country is getting older than the number of babies and as a
result
the country is suffering from the economic. In my Add a comma
result,
opinion
if the elderly are well cared for, they will Add a comma
opinion,
benifit
the society and the state.Correct your spelling
benefit
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task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of the introduction by clearly presenting your stance and briefly mentioning the main points that you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Try to present each idea in a more organized manner and make sure each paragraph has a single main idea that is well developed.
task achievement
Ensure that you use a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately to avoid repetition and errors.
task achievement
You've made an attempt to present both sides of the argument and have given relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
You've included an introduction and conclusion, which are important components of a cohesive essay.