In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before . Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments . Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people . To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays , in many places , adults are more than
youngs
. Correct your spelling
young
Furthermore
, Linking Words
birth
rate is decreasing. Many people think it is Add an article
the birth
problem
for society, Correct article usage
a problem
however
, others disagree Linking Words
to
Change preposition
on
this
point . I think Linking Words
although
there are several advantages of old people , it can have some Linking Words
disadvantages
as well
On the one Use synonyms
hand
there are some benefits of Add a comma
hand,
ageing
population. Add an article
the ageing
an ageing
Linking Words
This
main reason is their experiences and skills . They have many skills Correct determiner usage
The
with
Change preposition
in
lives
. They can role - Fix the agreement mistake
life
model
to children . Fix the agreement mistake
models
Moreover
, they can help to own family . In my opinion , these advantages are very useful for all of us . Linking Words
Also
, they become very clever Linking Words
for
advising Change preposition
in
to
Change preposition
apply
youngs
.
Correct your spelling
young
On the other hand
, it has several Linking Words
disadvantages
, too . One of Use synonyms
major
Add an article
the major
disadvantages
of Use synonyms
is
harmful Correct pronoun usage
this is
for
Change the preposition
to
government
of financial. Add an article
the government
For example
, after theyLinking Words
getting
on , they begin becoming ill.Wrong verb form
get
This
is very harmful Linking Words
for
Change the preposition
to
family
budget , too. Add an article
the family
a family
Linking Words
Also
they cannot hard work and they just own a lot of Add a comma
Also,
employments
. Fix the agreement mistake
employment
At
Change preposition
As
result
, Add an article
the result
a result
youngs
cannot work for themselves .
Correct your spelling
young
To sum up
, I think Linking Words
ageing
of Add an article
the ageing
population
is very useful . Because Add an article
the population
,
they have a lot of Remove the comma
apply
experiences
. Fix the agreement mistake
experience
Linking Words
Furthermore
advantages of Add a comma
Furthermore,
this
will outweigh the Linking Words
disadvantages
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay could be improved by integrating more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you might include real-world scenarios or statistics to illustrate the benefits and disadvantages of an aging population more vividly.
coherence cohesion
It's important to make sure that your arguments are clearly structured and logically flow from one to another. You might consider using more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas, which can help improve the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that more explicitly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph deals with a single main idea would help improve clarity.
complete response
Your essay successfully identifies both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population, which shows a balanced perspective on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your main argument, which is an essential part of a well-structured essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example