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Band 3

the plan below shows a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reproting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

#plan #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The major changes
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the stage for
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
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has been
Wrong verb form
was
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 replaced with a huge amphitheatre for concerts and
also
 fountain was
removed
Rephrase
also removed
show examples
.
However
, there are minor changes
such
 as
addition
Add an article
the addition
show examples
 of
water
Correct article usage
a water
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 feature,
children
Change noun form
children's
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 play area, rose garden, cafe, extra entrance and plenty of seats.
Besides
 the existing two entrances, Arnould Avenue and Eldon Street, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 an additional entrance
at
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underground and one can notice a water feature upon entering. Once audiences enter from Eldon Street, the rose garden and seats on the left side
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been moved to the middle of the park where a fountain was in 1920, with the seats surrounding the four
cornes
Correct your spelling
corners
 of the rose garden. Not only that, upon entering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Arnold Avenue, spectators now can get something at the cafe on the left of the entrance and children can be left to play
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
designated area at the far left corner where once was a pond for water plants.
Submitted by coke_sars on

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introduction
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion. Start your essay by mentioning you are comparing a park from 1920 to the present day. End with a brief summary of the main changes.
organisational structure
Make sure to maintain a logical structure by grouping similar types of changes together. For example, discuss all additions first, followed by all eliminations.
cohesion
Ensure coherence by using linking words and phrases. For example, use words like 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'Similarly' to connect ideas smoothly.
support
Include a few more specific details to support your points better. For instance, mention the exact location of the new features in relation to each other.
support examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as the replacement of the stage for musicians with an amphitheatre and the addition of a water feature and children's play area.
coverage
The essay covers the major and minor changes in the park comprehensively, showing a good understanding of the task.
clarity
The ideas presented in the essay are generally clear and logically structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • landscape
  • transformation
  • renovation
  • modernization
  • features
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • pedestrian pathways
  • green spaces
  • recreational areas
  • historic elements
  • community engagement
  • public accessibility
  • environment
  • visitor experience
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