IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

You have joined a sports club recently. You are having some problems. Write to the manager and include this information. 1)Explain why you joined this club 2)Tell your problems 3)Give solutions

#sports #club #manager #information
No one can deny that there is a drastic
changes
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change
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happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 to the
world
 of
work
.
Due to
 the technological impact on our lives having the same normal professions becomes unbearable. In the next
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
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 I will discuss the causes of
this
 incident and
suggesting
Wrong verb form
suggest
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 methods for preparing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future
employees
.
To begin
 with the causes, first of
all
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all,
show examples
 the digitalization transition of our
world
 plays an important role that
lead
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leads
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 to a lot of people
take
Verb problem
making
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 the decision
of
Change preposition
to
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career-shift
Correct your spelling
career shift
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, Dr Leonardo di Caprio in his book , AI AND THE SLAVES, stated that a lot of
employees
 in the developing countries resigned from their normal jobs
due to
 the very low income and shifted their attention towards coding and graphic design as they can
work
 for a foreign company and earning hard currency from their home.
Secondly
, the strict 8 to 10 working hours results in
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lot of
employees
 having back pain and weakness in eye vision.
However
,
,
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apply
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many freelancers could earn the same amount of money with only 2 to 3 working hours daily. Regarding the ways of preparing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future
employees
to
Change preposition
for
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 the new era of
working
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the working
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world
. The government has to modify the curriculums that
was
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were
show examples
 taught in the schools.
For example
, they should add subjects related to
the
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apply
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web
developing
Replace the word
development
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, graphic design and social media marketing.
Lastly
, they should provide
a free diplomas
Correct the article-noun agreement
a free diploma
free diplomas
show examples
 in programming and
data related
Add a hyphen
data-related
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 sections for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 aren`t happy with their current jobs. In conclusion,
while
 the rapid changes in the
world
 of
work
 present challenges, they
also
 offer opportunities for growth and innovation. By understanding these changes and proactively preparing for them, individuals can navigate the future
work
 landscape with confidence and resilience.
Submitted by besoyam on

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complete response
The letter only partially addresses the prompt. Ensure all parts of the task are covered, including a clear explanation of why you joined the club, your specific problems, and your proposed solutions.
suitable writing tone
Maintain a formal tone throughout your letter. Phrases such as 'No one can deny' and casual mentions of popular figures like 'Dr Leonardo di Caprio' may not be suitable for a formal complaint letter.
single idea per paragraph
Divide main ideas into separate paragraphs. For instance, causes of changes in the workplace in one paragraph, and suggestions for preparing future employees in another.
greeting and closing
Begin with an appropriate greeting and conclude with a proper closing statement, addressing the manager appropriately.
complete response
The essay discusses real-world implications of digitalization and its impact on jobs, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
logical structure
There is a logical link between the causes and the solutions presented, creating a clear, cohesive argument.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Facilities: amenities or spaces provided for certain activities.
  • - Equipment: Tools or items used to perform specific tasks or sports.
  • - Maintenance: The upkeep or repair of facilities and equipment.
  • - Uncooperative: Not willing to work or assist others.
  • - Untrained: Lacking necessary training or skills.
  • - Feedback: Comments or suggestions for improvement.
  • - Accommodate: Make or have space for; to meet the needs of.
  • - Professionalism: The competence or skill expected of a professional.
  • - Recommend: To suggest a course of action.
  • - Wellness: The state of being in good health.
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