The two bar charts give information about the proportion of obesity in boys and girs between the ages of 12 and 19 by nationality in the United States for the two decades (2010 and 2014)
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of obese
for
both male and female teenagers between 12 and 19 years old among three ethnicities, which are Change preposition
apply
non-Hispanic
white, non-Hispanic
black, and Hispanic, of teenagers in the United States for the
two decades starting from 2004 to 2014.
Correct article usage
apply
Overall
, it is clear that
the highest rate
of boys in terms of possibilities for suffering obesity
was the
Hispanics, Correct article usage
apply
while
the highest prevalence for girls was non-Hispanic
blacks, both in 2014. Additionally
, all ethnicities in both genders showed upward trends in each figure.
According to
the data, the probability rate
of obesity
for Hispanic teenage boys increased more than two times higher
in ten years, from 13% in 2004 to 27% in 2014. The Correct word choice
apply
obesity
rate
for non-Hispanics, however
, showed an increase from 2004 to 2014 as well, albeit not as much as Hispanic males, by 5% from 12% in 2004 to 17% in 2014 for the whites and by 9% from 11% in 2004 to 20% in 2014 for the blacks.
On the other hand
, for the
Correct article usage
apply
non-Hispanic
black teenage girls, the possibility rate
grew by 13%, from 16% in 2004 to 29% in 2014, making it the highest rate
among the other ethnicities. Similarly
, the obesity
rate
for non-Hispanic
whites and Hispanics grew at the same level over the ten-year period, by 5% altogether, from 9% in 2004 to 14% in 2014 and from 12% in 2004 to 17% in 2014, respectively.Submitted by michellyonggo on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words non-hispanic, rate, obesity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼