IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that a natural ability is needed to be successful at sport, others believe that hardwork and discipline is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Use relevant ideas and examples

#people #ability #sport #hardwork #discipline
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In some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 natural
talent
 plays a huge role in the
player
Change noun form
player's
show examples
 abilities, but in other
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 discipline is more important. For me I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that hard work and discipline is a key factor to be successful at any sport. In
this
 essay I will
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and why are they
realevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
real event
.
To begin
,
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 state some reasons why natural
talent
 is needed to be successful.
Firstly
, natural ability is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
definitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 a helpful factor for players to
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
.
For example
, Messi is one of the most talented players, but
talent
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
 get him where he is now. 
On the other hand
, Cristiano Ronaldo is a very disciplined and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 player, and he became the best from all the years he trained
himselfe
Correct your spelling
himself
 to be the best.
Moreover
, no one is successful from
talent
 only, without discipline and a strong mindset there will be a slim chance someone will be
succssful
Correct your spelling
successful
. In conclusion, people will always differ and everyone has his own point of view. but both factors may
conterbute
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to the success of the person.
Submitted by jowanaalamoudi on

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grammar vocabulary
Try to improve your grammar and spelling. Words like 'beleive', 'disscuss', and 'realevent' should be 'believe', 'discuss', and 'relevant'.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, explain why hard work helped Cristiano Ronaldo specifically.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your paragraphs more effectively. The transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints and given your opinion, which is essential for this task.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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