Students who are given grades work harder than those who do not. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
There is no denying the fact that working hard
it
is the key Correct pronoun usage
apply
for
everything . Change preposition
to
While
it is a commonly held belief that students
who do not work
hard on their grades
are less than other students
who is
working hard in Change the verb form
are
grades
. In my opinion, i
consider that hard Change the capitalization
I
work
can provide a great
Correct the article-noun agreement
great grades
a great grade
grades
in the school career.
To begin
with ,hard work
can led
to confidence. Change the form of the verb
lead
In other words
, when how the scores going
up that can Wrong verb form
go
given
you the confidence that you are capable Wrong verb form
give
to do
the hard tasks. Change preposition
of doing
In addition
, the more you practice hard work
, the easier everything becomes. For example
, math is difficult ,at first you will face some problems you can not solve, so you but
all your hard Correct your spelling
put
working
Replace the word
work
on
it and Change preposition
into
month
later you become much better Correct article usage
a month
in
math Change preposition
at
that is
real
example of working hard.
Another point to consider, going to good companies it is Add an article
a real
also
possible to say that when the company knows that you will work
hard for the sake of the company because of this
feature, you will be concerned. Moreover
, gain
respect among the Correct subject-verb agreement
gains
students
. For instance
. When other students
see how you workin
so hard to get Correct your spelling
work
a good
Correct the article-noun agreement
good grades
a good grade
grades
, there will be a chance to get their respect and to be their role- model .
In conclusion, depicted
people having different views, Correct your spelling
despite
i
believe that hard Change the capitalization
I
work
can get you a lot of upsides respect, power,and great
job which can reward you for your hard Add an article
a great
work
.Submitted by alaa5942005 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as "working hard it is the key" instead of "working hard is the key."
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph sticks to a single main point and elaborates on it clearly. For instance, the paragraph about confidence should not mix ideas about job opportunities.
Task Achievement
Use more relevant examples to illustrate your points. For example, you could mention specific studies or situations where students who receive grades outperform those who do not.
Coherence & Cohesion
Conclude with a summary of the key points instead of listing isolated benefits. It will make your argument more compelling.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction and a conclusion, which is important for coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
You made good efforts to explain how hard work leads to confidence and respect among peers, which supports your main argument.