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Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
One of the most important subjects which is related to
people
's satisfaction with life is
science
. When it comes to
science
, its profit in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 should come to the surface to improve the quality of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives on
this
 topic and
then
,I will explain why I strongly
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
 aim of
science
. There are many reasons for
this
 agreement.
Firstly
,
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
disease
Change preposition
of disease
show examples
 is one of the most important goals of medical
science
.
For example
,
vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been made
for fostering
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to foster
show examples
people
's immune
system
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systems
show examples
 making them stronger to fight against viruses. HPV vaccine is an example
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 development`s impact on the solution of the main concern of women.
Secondly
,
scientists
 are going to produce new knowledge to help the environmental issue. Today, environmentalists are looking for alternatives for those items leading to air pollution.
For instance
, about 6 to 7 years ago, mechanical
scientists
 in
Tesla
Correct article usage
the Tesla
show examples
 factory innovated a technology for cars
which are
Verb problem
that
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taken
Wrong verb form
takes
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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electricity as a fuel
instead
 of fossil fuel. leading to increasing carbon
emission
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emissions
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 in the air,
is
Correct pronoun usage
which is
show examples
 one of its negative stigmas on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. From a negative aspect, some believe that
scientists
 should be focused on solving problems . Honestly, it is obvious that
people
 will benefit more than others from scientist's innovation .
For example
, they
cliam
Correct your spelling
claim
 that knowledge must be spent on finding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new sources of renewable energy.
While
 the
people
 are the biggest
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 of energy .
consequently
,
people
 will benefit from the profit of
this
 type of energy again. All in all, the approaches of all
scientists
 are providing benefits for both
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and individuals that
connected
Add a missing verb
are connected
show examples
 to each other with a strong bond. Meanwhile, many steps should be taken to create even greater impacts on our lives.
Submitted by ashkanasho on

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task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, try to develop your main ideas more thoroughly and ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one. Additionally, work on smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your introductory paragraph to be clearer and more concise. A strong thesis statement will help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly the mention of vaccines and Tesla's technological innovation.
task achievement
You successfully addressed both perspectives on the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach to the essay question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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