Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play online games, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Although
some people consider that it is advantageous for youngster
to play online Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
game
, others believe that it can be dangerous for them. In my opinion, I think that Fix the agreement mistake
games
game
online may bring more issues than any benefits Fix the agreement mistake
games
it
can bring.
Correct pronoun usage
they
Adimittedly
, there are some minor advantages of kids playing online Correct your spelling
Admittedly
game
. Fix the agreement mistake
games
Firstly
, playing online game
is a good source of entertainment. Fix the agreement mistake
games
For example
, now children
are very stressful
about long Replace the word
stressed
time
study
at school, so Wrong verb form
studying
play
Wrong verb form
playing
game
may help them to reduce stress and Fix the agreement mistake
games
ready
to study more. Add a missing verb
be ready
Secondly
, one basic advantage of game
online is that children
can improve lots of helpful skills. Playing online game
could Fix the agreement mistake
games
helps
them to improve hand-eye coordination. Wrong verb form
help
Another skills
Replace the adjective
Another skill
Other skills
that
is the ability to survive through games. In short, improving some necessary skills and reducing bad feelings is a good way to emotional balance and develop themself when they Correct pronoun usage
apply
grown
up.
Wrong verb form
grow
Nevertheless
, despite the benefits above, I suppose that children
could face serious probems
from playing online. One crucial Correct your spelling
problems
problems
when Change to a singular noun
problem
children
sitting
with Wrong verb form
sit
computer
for a long Add an article
a computer
the computer
time
is that they could have a lot of health problems such
as eyes problem
, mental fatigue depression,... Fix the agreement mistake
eye problems
Futhermore
, playing Correct your spelling
Furthermore
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
cause
Replace the word
causes
children
to lack of
sleep and always feel tired. Another crucial issue of playing computer Remove the preposition
apply
game
is that of the relationship between family. Fix the agreement mistake
games
For instance
, we have 24 hours of day and if children
spend so long time
with online game
, they will not have any Fix the agreement mistake
games
time
with family. As a result
, parents and children
will often have disagreements. Thus
, a child
face serious drawbacks when they Fix the agreement mistake
children
Add a missing verb
are addict
addict
to online Replace the word
addicted
game
.
In conclusion, health Fix the agreement mistake
games
issue
and the relationship between Fix the agreement mistake
issues
children
and their parents far outweighs
any basic advantages Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
can
result from playing online Correct pronoun usage
that can
game
.Fix the agreement mistake
games
Submitted by mizh.nguyen on
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general
Try to correct minor grammatical errors like 'Adimittedly' to 'Admittedly' and 'playing game' to 'playing games'. This will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
specific
Ensure that all examples provided adequately support the main ideas. Some examples in your essay, like surviving skills, could be more specific or relevant.
language
Work on improving sentence variety and complexity to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Currently, some sentences are quite simple.
development
Develop each point more fully; provide more details and analysis to strengthen your argument.
task
Good job on presenting both viewpoints and clearly stating your own opinion. This shows a balanced approach to the task.
structure
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
coherence
Utilizing transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' helps in providing a logical flow to your ideas.