IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Q:the crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve the crime.Do you agree or disagree?

#q #crime #rate #technology
The evolving time has led to the emergence of technology all over the world,which eventually led to the reduction in crimes in areas and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly Agree with
this
 statement. First and foremost,surveillance
cameras
 are one of the pivotal
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of advanced technological tools.These security
cameras
 installed in hidden areas have made it impossible for burglars to save them
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 being detected.Thanks to its features,shop owners are more aware of any unusual activity,making them able to take immediate
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
Additionally
,the anti-theft
cameras
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
24 hours
Correct your spelling
24-hour
 inspection facility whereby chances of robberies after the closure of usual business time have been reduced.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
 it,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 technological advancement
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 led to the development of inspection tools used by security authorities to monitor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal activities.Tracking services are one of its examples,which has made it possible for authorities to track stolen mobile phones.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the help of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, illegal smuggling of gadgets
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 tracked within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 moments and the offenders are pushed behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bars.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stark contrast,
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
 has been
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 growing activity after the technological revolution.
Such
technological
Correct article usage
a technological
show examples
 era has given opportunities to specific people known as hackers,who are indulged not only in frauds and scandals to online users but are
also
 been involved in breaching the personal information of people.
To conclude
,the application of
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology in daily life has significantly reduced crime
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
,including the use of surveillance
cameras
 and
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
show examples
 tracking services.
Although
,The technology has
also
 introduced the new type of
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
 activities and exposure of private data to unknown entities used for their own purposes and agendas.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and punctuation to enhance readability. Adding a wider range of complex sentence structures will help in achieving this.
task achievement
Though the essay provides relevant examples, it's important to explicitly link these examples to the main argument. This will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and aligns well with the prompt, making your response clear from the onset.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow with distinct paragraphs that help in maintaining coherence.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as surveillance cameras and tracking services, are relevant and support the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: